1. Burn everything that reminds you of him:
As long as it doesn’t have a pulse, you’re set. Just be safe and try not to burn your house down. Bring your girlfriends over, binge on pizza, play “I Will Survive” on full blast, and just burn everything he gave you – teddy bears, pictures, his love letters, etc. Burn it all, and to add to the suspense, chant some gibberish and pretend you’re doing witchcraft. It feels great!
2. Write a list of all the reasons why you should NEVER go back to him:
There will be times, when you’re sitting on the couch in your marinara-stained PJs, eating leftover chips off your hair, you will miss him – a lot. And that’s when you’ll need to pull out your “hate list” and read it. Read it a thousand times. Sing it if you want. Or read it in 3 different languages, whatever. Just remember all the things you disliked about him and how he betrayed you. Also, make a break-up play list and listen to it when you miss him. Anything with Beyoncé and Eminem is good, some Taylor Swift is good too if you’re into that stuff.
3. Scream into a pillow:
There will be times when you will get angry. You’ll remember how he cheated, or wanted to cheat on you with that extremely tan, dark-haired fugly skank he met over the summer – and that’s when you’ll need to release your anger. Working out is good, but nothing like a quick “Ahhhhhh” to immediately release some anger. Remember his betrayal and run into your bedroom, scream into your pillow and cry. Then go to the mirror and examine how terrible you look with your mascara smudged all over your plethoric face. Then feel self-conscious and cry again.
4. Talk about it with your best friends/trusted ones ONLY:
Now this is a tricky thing. You don’t want to bad mouth him to anyone, because not only will this make YOU look bad but it will also hurt him when he hears about it. I know, I know, he deserves it – but try to remain good to him, just like you were when you were together. Trust me, it will eat at him when he realizes he won’t ever be able to have someone like you, ever. But to the ones you trust, let it all out – it is very therapeutic. Moms are usually the best, since they can fully empathize with you. Sisters and best friends are great too. Talk about everything he did wrong and why breaking up with him was the best thing that happened to you, it will feel amazing. Then when you’re done, get up, put on your sexy dress and make up, and have a fun girls night out. Your purpose is to be with your girlfriends only, no guys involved – if you get hit on though, that’s great – it’s good for your self-esteem . You need to learn how to be single again. Start realizing all the potential you’ve got and admire all the gorgeous fish in the sea that you can have. Nom nom nom.
5. Have a crush on someone:
But don’t you dare start dating again. No seriously, you don’t want to be that girl who relationship-hops. Not because people talk, but because it will mess you up emotionally. Give yourself some time, heal yourself, and learn how to be single again and examine all the choices you have. It is indeed allowed to have crushes however. Oh yes. Admire all the eye candy you lay your eyes on, day dream, and let your fantasies run wild – feel how exhilarating it will be to date again, to feel desired, and to have those butterflies in your stomach once more. Harmless flirting is ok too, as long as you don’t string anyone along- being the rebound hurts and you don’t want to do that to anyone. Just look, and flirt. You’re single and ready to mingle. #YOLO