This Is How I’ll Love You In 2019

I want to doodle forevers with you, even if they’re still messy and blunt and unclear.

I want to lay on your chest knowing that every muscle of your heart contracts for me.

I want to witness paper towns crumble as our kingdom rises.

I want to write poetry about you without the sense of vulnerability eating me alive. I want you to know that I’m the weakest with you, and the strongest all at once.

That my ego shrinks into a grain and my heart could fit a continent when it has to do with you.

Because it’s all about you. Every movement on the clock resembles you. At 10 is your lunch break, at 2 your lunch, around twilight your bath time.

Just like my electrons orbit around your nucleus, we’re the complementary parts of the same atom, completing each other like no one will ever dare.

You’re the warmth I’ve been waiting years for, not the kind the chimney provides and not that of a hot July summer. It’s the warmth that guards a soul and hugs a shattered heart.

I want you to shed your disguise and show me your ugliest parts, the parts you hide from this world. I want to see you at your worst, when you’re no longer in control of the play, when darkness has settled its hands around you and you’re exploding in rage.

I want to see you helpless and desperate, when you’re one step from giving up on yourself. I want to see that side of you and cover it with a fleece blanket to hide it from unwanted eyes.

I want to be your compass, and the star that guides you up. Your 11:11 wishes, your midnight dreams, your random daydreams when you’re caught staring into the white wall at your office.

In 2019, I don’t want to fear love, I don’t want to ghost people, I don’t want to escape vulnerability and live on the safe side of life. I want to let my feelings run wild through your fields, I want to risk, to explore the vast world of emotions I was too afraid to be indulged in.

I want to give you my all without wondering whether I’ll ever slip between the cracks of your hands. I want to be completely immersed in you and blend beyond recognition.

In 2019, I want to stop being a coward and let love take practice its magic on me.