The Ugly Side To Being A Perfectionist

Ben White

You look into the mirror, and you can already track the extra inches of fat hanging on the sides of your hips. What seems unnoticeable to other people seems like a catastrophe to you. You’re probably an overachiever, a multitasker, a young entrepreneur…

Whichever you are, one thing is for sure, you are beyond average. But no matter how much you work, no matter how much time you invest in fulfilling your projects and tasks, you still feel it’s not enough.

Be it a duty or in interpersonal relationships, you always feel like you can give more, you always acknowledge that you still haven’t used your full potential, that there are layers and layers of abilities yet to be uncovered.

You never settle for a passing grade or a mediocre relationship. And there is one medical condition in common between all perfectionists; you all have allergies on the word “average.”

You experience life differently, and go through feelings few could probably relate to:

1. You See the potentials around you and take them.

You realize that the world is full of potentials, and all you have to do is track them down and grab them. It’s a simple equation to perfectionists, yet opportunities seem like some dark magic to the ones around them.

Your answer is probably yes to most of the opportunities coming your way. Be it a job promotion needing a couple of extra hours at work or dynamic conferences or internship opportunities, you simply find all of those more than intriguing and accept each and everyone one of them. While nagging about unemployment and poor services of career centers is the trend of the decade, you probably have already gotten two jobs. You see the world with glittering eyes and realize that it gives you as much as you are willing to give back, that’s why opportunities usually wait for you right behind every other corner.

2. Yet… You seek more of them.

And because you understand that you can give more and believe in the “dream job/dream life” motto, you are never quite ready to settle down for that “behind-the-corner” opportunity. You don’t want to get stuck for your entire life with the easy job you are offered when in fact you realize that if you work hard enough, you’ll have the ability to shake the stars of the sky.

3. Your Schedule is Always Overloaded.

You have so many interests and so many tasks to be done, that’s why you almost always have an overloaded schedule. You try to finish a week’s job in a day, and often forget that you can’t stuff your entire baggage in 24 hours. I guess at some point you’ve already thought of certain methods to freeze time (don’t hide there, I’m certain you did).

You are always trying to find a balance between building your career, taking care of yourself, and maintaining a healthy social lifestyle, because you often want everything to be simply… Perfect!

Which leads us to your next quality

4. You always aim for a perfect look.

Like seriously, who doesn’t? However, with perfectionists, it always takes an extreme turn. Perfectionists see flaws rather than their beauty. They see a pimple on the forehead instead of the “on fleek” eyebrows; they basically only see the aspects of themselves that they personally believe need further improvement. That’s why perfectionists often engage in extreme diets and intensive workouts, trying to eliminate any obstacle standing between them and the ideal picture they have drawn in their minds.

5. They have a difficult time leaving unhealthy relationships.

As in any other aspect of their life, they seek perfection; however, the paradox lies in that they often choose partners who are very far from perfect. They often choose people who are not ready to invest in the relationship as much as they are, who are not striving to improve themselves, who are not as ambitious or goal oriented. For this reason, perfectionists usually take the responsibility of making the relationship work purely on themselves. They are strong people, and they don’t need anyone to complete them. They CHOOSE their partner amid the crowd, often overseeing the idea that this person might not be relationship material in the first place.

And here is where the tragedy strikes.

While the partner’s fear of commitment is their own flaw, perfectionists often take it personally, having a sense of failure as they have not succeeded to develop the relationship they have aimed for. They sense that it’s their personal duty to make it work, so they often hold on to the last thread of hope no matter how thin this thread might actually be.

That’s exactly why it’s so hard for them to leave toxic relationships because they know they are capable of more and deserve more, but often forget that the reason of this failure lies in their partner and not them.

6. They often feel like losers.

While people sit there watching them from afar, envying the energy and success they have surrounded themselves with, perfectionists often feel like complete losers.

For some reason, they have a tendency to focus on all the possibilities they have failed at or haven’t reached yet instead of looking at all of the victories they have achieved. They feel like they have more to show the world, more to offer it. Staying too long in one place irritates them, it makes them feel stuck, it hinders their ability to grow. They push their own limits and are often too harsh on themselves for not being where they want to be. TC mark

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