What if I were to say all of the things that float around in my head while I lie awake at night? The conversations I would have with you about the devil in disguise. I’d tell you that for the first few weeks he was everything I ever wanted. He was kind, sweet, caring, genuinely concerned about my well-being, and did nothing but raise me up. He would call me sweet all the time. But once he realized he couldn’t have me, he shaped shifted into who he really is. The devil in disguise.
The longer time went on, the more he became the opposite of the man I met, and more and more cruel to me. The filter fell off and every single thing that spewed from his mouth was like venom. It was as though the longer he couldn’t have what he wanted, the longer we continued talking, the more and more bitter he became. And every time I’d open a message from him I would cringe. I’d be terrified. What would he say this time to hurt me? How would he find a way to break me today? The devil in disguise.
And do you realize that when you came into the picture, the fireworks you watched together on the Fourth of July was a metaphor for the heartless things he was spewing at me? That he forgot that he met you that day, that while you were smitten he had forgotten that night? And when hesitation turned to desperation, he told me he’d pursue you. Like prey, he’d prey on you. The devil in disguise.
But he continued to hold me hostage, while he made plans with you. He’d still spend hours talking to me, while setting up dates with you, he had me in his back pocket, a notification, a little blinking light. Even when he was out with you, he still spoke to me. Because as much as he knew it was wrong to keep me around, when in a blossoming relationship with you, deep down I was the one he really wanted. The devil in disguise.
And so here we are months later, and all I want to say to you is, he isn’t what he appears to be, it’s all a lie. And he will do whatever you want him to do. He will bow down at your feet and give you exactly what you want. Because he knows you’re it. There’s no one else left now. No backup plan, no blinking light in his back pocket. Just silence. Because when he pushed me away, shoved me out the door, spewed venom at me, and threw daggers at my back, he revealed who he is in broad daylight. I turned and I faced my demon head on, I called him out for all the things he did to me, and I call him out for who he is: The Devil in Disguise.
So now as the sun begins to set on another year, as the golden rays spread across the horizon, I smile. The closing of a year, a decade, the months that I have spent on my knees begging, I watch as it all disappears in the fading light. With the setting of the sun, I close this chapter of my life. And you can keep the devil in disguise.