To The Boy I Can’t Get Over

woman standing in front of dried plants
George Gvasalia / Unsplash

Dear You,

You may think I’m pathetic for writing this or worse you may not think about me at all. But I can’t get you out of my head and maybe writing about you will help break the spell you have on me.

When I first met you I was sure that you were it for me. I was convinced the next four year would be filled with memories we created. But then the voices of your friends and rumors from people I’ve never met entered your brain and suddenly we were over before we started. And I was left feeling confused and broken. Maybe most people can just forget and move on but I can’t for some godforsaken reason. I can’t get you out of my goddamn head.

I’ll see someone who looks like you and my stomach drops, I’m both excited and yet at the same time fearful. I was nothing more than to see you and talk to you, but I’m worried that when I look at you it will prove I no longer matter to you. I read through old text message because I can’t help but think of past memories, of times when it was just the two of us and I was convinced I would never be happier. Then once I see you, I’m so nervous because all my feelings are still there and I don’t know what to do with myself.

The truth is maybe if things last longer between us, my feelings may not have lasted. Maybe its one of those what if situations that are so appealing because it never happened. But I will never know that all I know is for whatever reason I can’t get you out of my head, almost like I’m infected and no one has yet to find a cure.

Truth is, I don’t know if I want them too because at least this way I still have some part of you.


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