5 Reasons To Date A Conservative Catholic

As a member of the liberal New York elite, I’ve been raised to embrace the unorthodox. In my world women wear pantsuits, men wear pink, gender is a choice, and “traditional” is often rejected as archaic. And I love this. I believe it in my core. So how did I wind up dating a Conservative Catholic? I mean a full-fledged global-warming-denying, Sarah Palin-loving, abortion-is-murder Conservative Catholic (CC). I wake up each day appalled, but mostly shocked, because I’m so happy. Because he’s great. If you’re sick of the asshole who doesn’t call you back, if you can’t spend one more second talking about Lord of the Rings, or if you’re just looking for a new way to horrify your parents, I’m here to tell you: go red.

1) Chivalry

I once took this gender studies class and we read some piece about the various ways men oppress women. Then this one girl in the class went off about how she feels oppressed when men open doors for her, and I could not stop rolling my eyes. Do I want equal pay? Of course. Do I want to open the door? Never. If I’m wearing mascara and a bra after 8 pm, you can take my coat for me. Which he does. And when I walk home at night he wants a text to know I’ve gotten in safe. He even obsessively walks on the street side when we are walking along a sidewalk. I didn’t even know this was a thing until he was suddenly prancing around me every corner we turned. It’s silly, I know, but I love it. In this female-empowerment era, men shy away from playing a protective role. It’s seen as condescending. But my CC doesn’t think that I can’t pull out my own chair- it’s just a way for him say “I’m right here. For you.”

2) Certainty

You know how no matter the evidence staring them in the fact, CCs are notorious for standing their ground on issues that they’re sure of? And after watching an Inconvenient Truth or learning about Lucy or hearing of another gay teen suicide, you just want to gouge your eyes out because it’s so maddening? And it is! I don’t dispute that. But I’ve found the advantage — confidence. This is not your cocky frat boy or your self-righteous philosophy major. My CC knows where he stands, so much so that he doesn’t feel threatened. He never becomes defensive, he doesn’t overcompensate: he is entirely comfortable with who he is. This is a quiet sureness I rarely see in men until much later in life, and it does away with so much of the posturing that seems to part of the 20-something male persona. When he tells me he spent Saturday night hanging out with the guys, he doesn’t qualify it with “no homo.” He texts with his mom pretty regularly, and is entirely unapologetic about it, because family is important and it doesn’t make him lame for
having a strong relationship with her.

3) No Sex

I, too, am surprised to see this on the reasons why to date a CC. And I’ll give you this disclaimer right away: it’s not fun. I definitely miss sex. But picture this: you go into a bedroom with a guy. Lights are off, you’re in a bed…and you don’t have to do the “are we going to have sex” calculation. I want to see the look on every girl’s face as she entertains that concept. It also means that when he listens to you whine about the fight you had with your sister, or go into excruciating detail about the dress you just bought, he must be somewhat interested. He’s clearly not waiting it out just to get some. A few weeks ago my CC said something about me being pretty and I was sort of surprised. I mistakenly conflate his ability to keep his clothes on around me with a lack of attraction, which could be insulting, but it’s actually refreshing. It makes his gestures of kindness and our intimate conversations entirely genuine, with no ulterior motives. I’m not saying every time a guy has been nice to me it’s been to get me naked: but it’s nice to be sure.

4) Catholic Guilt

Work it. The day before I started a new job we spent the afternoon together, and when he was walking out the door I yelled after him “yes, thanks, I will have a good first day,” because he hadn’t said anything. I thought it was a little funny and had forgotten about it by the time I’d walked back upstairs. He, on the other hand, was still apologizing days later.

5) Humor

This one can be the best part, though it requires the right approach (kind of like the rest of this endeavor). If you think about it, this is hilarious. Two people who ideologically drive each other crazy are totally crazy about each other. Nothing gets me through a crisis like humor, and falling for a CC is certainly a crisis. So make fun of each other! When he’s all tense and needs to unwind, I point out that it seems like he just needs to get laid. When something important happens in Congress, he asks if I’ve heard about it, or was I too busy watching Kony 2012 for the millionth time? Of course, this has the potential to turn nasty, so you’ll need to play around with it and figure out at what point you turn from giggling to get the hell out of my house. TC mark

image – Jasper Chia

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  • Anonymous

    This all sounds miserable.

    • Kreateur

      I’m dating a female cc but she’s from Mexico so it’s more of a cultural national thing. She doesn’t believe so much as relates if that makes sense. Being an atheist Jew (surprise) I sometimes have no understanding of where she’s getting her religulous logic from but her principles make for a hell of a loving girlfriend. And her sweet mom makes amazing empanadas but that’s besides the point. Whatever works. It’s all fun and games until we burn in hell. Oh wait I don’t believe in that. Goodnight.

  • Guest

    “Chauvinism and intellectual incorrigibility provide a comforting norm, so it’s worth sacrificing my values for!”

    • Guest

      Unless this is sature and I’m especially obtuse tonight.

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    if you can’t spend one more second talking about Lord of the Rings
    blasphemy, harlot

  • A.

    my boyfriend walks on the street-side too, always! but this article was really cute

  • Anonymous

    Sorry, but I’d need 1000 more.

  • g.

    This is pretty amusing/awesome/cute. (I’m not a CC, am not dating one, and will probably never date one to be honest). Enjoyed the perspective.

    I also anticipate this getting a lot of hate comments. But I guess that was a given with the TC audience.

  • JC

    as Joseph Conrad said,  ‘I’m a Pole, a Catholic, and a Gentleman’

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stanley-Rogouski/100002525792468 Stanley Rogouski

      Joseph Conrad never said anything of the sort. What he actually said was this.

      “I always, from the age of fourteen, disliked the Christian religion, its doctrines, ceremonies and festivals” (to Edward Garnett, 22 December 1902)

  • http://www.conceitedgirl.com Alexa

    The problem with this is, if this is anything but comedy, they are often hiding something underneath. I hope, for your sake, that is not the case.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Ah, I know all too well Catholic guilt.   It’s possible to make me feel guilty about anything.  Hell, I feel guilty when I do long division and there’s a remainder.  

    • Bro

      This is awesome, but I feel guilty about saying that. 

  • YankeeFan

    “You know how no matter the evidence staring them in the fact, CCs are notorious for standing their ground on issues that they’re sure of?” I think you might want to change CCs to ILs (Ignorant Liberals), please do some real research instead of just believing whatever Al Gore is telling you. Global temperatures have been DECLINING in recent years and our planet has experienced plenty of temperature spikes followed by cooling temperatures before. Only a small fraction of scientists still even advocate for this idiotic idea of global warming. Most will just laugh in your face if you try to say that Al Gore actually knows what he is talking about…

    • Kelly

      All people (left, middle, right) can stand their ground on issues they aren’t sure of.  However, religion is based on FAITH, which means believing in something with no proof, you just believe.  Having faith can be an awesome trait.  

      However, CLIMATE CHANGE (supported by pretty much every valid scientist) is something that you can be sure of.  Yes, the Earth does go through periodic climate cycles and spikes and declines, we know this.  However, humans have been accelerating the process dramatically, which is leading to the changes (warming in some parts of the world, cooling in others, increasing natural disasters in others).  Think of all the technological advances and progress we have made since our evolution.  How could all of these things NOT have an impact on the planet? 

      • the voice from within

         From what I understand, you are saying that since you cannot find evidence that our actions do not have an impact, that’s why it has an impact? That is some flawed thinking there.

      • Kelly

        That’s not what I meant by that.  There is plenty of evidence of permanent human changes to the planet.  I was just trying to make a point that because of all the stuff we have done(some good, some bad), it is kind of crazy to think that we haven’t had any impact 

    • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

      man, you WOULD be a yankees fan. FxCK YEAH REDSOX WHAT BOOOOOM

    • Anonymous

      Yankees suck. 

  • Lu

    where did you find one??
    seriously though, number 1 and number 2 have me considering…

  • Erinkthomson

    This was too amazing and right up my alley, did you steal my life! lol. I am engaged to a “CC” Im not catholic, not really i was baptized but decided to embrace my fathers Jewish roots when i was 15 and now im just a…well a nothing i don’t care so long as religion doesn’t take away my rights to abort a fetus, take birth control, etc so I know all too well of what you speak. I love my CC to death but his religion drives me nuts

  • Sophia

    I loved this. Thanks for being brave enough to write about it despite the liberal crowd.

  • kook

    I’m sorry but I don’t think there’s any excuse for being a homophobe. How can you be with someone with such sad, twisted thinking? 

    • Dustin

      there’s a difference between “I disprove of your lifestyle and choices” and “I hate you and think you are a worthless person”.  ‘Homophobia’ is a bullshit word that implies anyone with a differing viewpoint than you is a spiteful, hate-fueled bigot.  

      • annie

        Or homophobia is a very real and widespread prejudice held by many and marketed to the masses in order to deny gays of their basic rights. But you know, tomato/tomato.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QAEK5MDE7OIWSJVWW5MO3RRYXM WotcherTonks

        Not agreeing with denial of basic rights, especially because, if what you say is true, wouldn’t atheism be considered a widespread prejudice held by many marketed to the masses to deny religious of their basic rights? Just a thought. There can be disagreement between lifestyles without intolerance.

      • kook

        I’m confused as to what your point is. Are you equating atheism to homophobia? How are atheists denying the religious their right to anything? Or am I just reading your comment wrong because you can’t possibly be saying that :-/ 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QAEK5MDE7OIWSJVWW5MO3RRYXM WotcherTonks

        my point is if it’s someone’s religious practice (or personal practice) to not support gay/lesbian/bi relationships, that’s their right of course, as long as they keep it to themselves and don’t talk about it.
        As soon as it comes up in conversation that someone does not agree with that, then they are automatically a homophobic bigot.
        So to answer your question, yes, there is pressure to censure your religious views so as not to  censor rights of G/L/Bs.
        Not saying either censor is right. I’m not trying to say one view is more correct than the other. I just wanted to point out the other side.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=726295377 Mercedes Villanueva

        I’m an atheist but I am not prejudiced against religious people. Nor do I deny the rights of religious people. You want to pray? Be my fucking guest. In fact, allow me to hand you the rosary.While we’re at it, let’s throw in a Bible there too.

        Case and point: my boyfriend is a liberal Catholic but that doesn’t bother me. Being homophobic, on the other hand, entails that someone is inherently bothered by a person being gay. You can’t compare the two.

      • Anonymous

        Who is “marketing” atheism in the way that many religious groups literally DO market faith?

      • kook

        “I disprove of your lifestyle and choices”? By denying them the RIGHT TO MARRY, they are fucking interfering. No, homophobia is not a “bullshit word”. If your differing viewpoint is that you think people of a different sexual orientation shouldn’t be allowed to marry and should be bullied and taunted, then fuck yes I’m going to have to say you’re a spiteful, hate – fueled bigot.

      • Sophia

        ^^^THANK YOU. This distinction is almost never made, and it needs to be.

    • JEReich

      You, good sir or lady, are stereotyping.  I happen to date a very Catholic (and a a very gay) lady.  Many of these exist, and it’s only one of the many, many “types” of Catholics — or, you know, what many call just plain “people.”

      • kook

        I’m responding to her bit on “Certainty” where she expounds on this. There may be Catholics out there embracing equal rights but you’ll have to admit, that’s an overwhelming minority and I myself have not met one set (not that that means anything).

      • Anonymous

        I think it’s the idea of Conservative Catholics.  The lady you are dating would be what Catholics call a “Cafeteria Catholic” aka they pick and choose what they like and don’t like from the Catholic Church.  

  • erog

    yeah, definitely; once you skip the bra and mascara, you’ve lost your privilege to be treated with any courtesy.

    i also am imagining this author stranded helplessly outside a door because she “never” wants to open them by herself. how does she even leave the house without a man?

  • Kate

    Love the CCs. And sir, CCs are not necessarily homophobic.

  • Charles Reinhardt

    Dunno if I could date someone who believes in superstition, but if you’re happy, you’re happy.

  • the voice from within

    I don’t see how his behavior has anything to do with him being a CC. Any decent boyfriend/fiance would treat his partner in such a way.

    You on the other hand should probably reflect on why you think you should not be opening doors.

    • Anonymous

      I open doors for people out of common courtesy and because sometimes I feel weird not doing so.  It was just the way I was raised, which interestingly enough, was by Conservative Catholics.

  • Sadfassssssdsdsdssssd

    This is so silly. South Americans are conservative Catholics (I’m NOT talking Mexicans here) and some are liek this and some are not. Putting everyone on the same pot is quite useless. For example on South America Christians are the people that are usually nuts about religion. Still  no one opens the door to Jehova’s witnesses, and everyone avoids them, it is just an universal fact. 

    Seriously putting everyone on the same pot is silly lulz

  • Em Lou

    Love this! Especially the no sex part, which is so underrated. Write more articles please!

  • Christian

    Loved the article although I am light years away. I went to Catholic High School but utterly reject religion. Jesus came to free us from religion and guilt. This is the New Order, Judaism and Catholicism are the old way, Jesus is the New way-a way of freedom.

  • Anonymous

    You write like one needs to date a conservative Catholic just to find someone who will act like a gentleman. Newsflash: you don’t. Good guys are out there who are liberal, conservative, or (GASP!) just don’t care about politics. If someone doesn’t want to have sex till marriage that’s just fine, but I’m certainly not going to date him. It’s too fun and I like it too much. The last two sound terrible to deal with. I don’t need someone to profusely apologize over every perceived minor transgression, and I certainly would prefer that any guy refrain from making fun of me over my strongly held convictions (political or otherwise). Maybe just try dating a man (not a boy) who actually cares about treating you right. Then you can have the chivalry and certainty without the other three traits, which sound like nothing I’d ever want in a boyfriend.

  • Waicool

    here is a list of why i like my boyfriend.  wtf!

  • Anonymous

    Guys don’t need to be religious to be polite or confident. And I respect anyone who’s comfortable with it, but I’m really not interested in a long term relationship without sex. It is cool that it works for you.

    Catholic guilt sounds more like PTSD. I’d say it’s a major con.

  • Nishant

    Aww, you found love even if you had to sacrifice your intelligence (w.r.t evolution),  being concerned about the planet you live in (since you don’t believe in global warming) AND you managed to send humanity back a 100 years (by not giving a f*** about LGBT rights).

    I’m tempted to say #stillabetterlovestorythantwilight but I’m not entirely sure.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QAEK5MDE7OIWSJVWW5MO3RRYXM WotcherTonks

      as a PhD student of climatology I don’t believe in “global warming” and neither does a majority of the (relative) scientific community. Guess they sacrificed their intelligence with all that research instead of just throwing around a political term like the smart kids like you!

      • Nishant

        I think believing in proofs and facts is what science is about. You don’t have to take it so personally that I cited  global warming here. If in the next few years, they prove global warming to be a hoax with proper scientific facts, I will believe that. But until then, I am believing what has been proven. (Maybe it HAS been proven, and I just don’t know about it. In that case, as soon as I find out …)

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QAEK5MDE7OIWSJVWW5MO3RRYXM WotcherTonks

        my point being you make just as many assumptions on what she’s “sacrificed” as you do about your personal intelligence and its accuracy. Until you’ve researched it yourself don’t feel you have an authority to tell someone they’re ignorant for not believing what you do. That’s the very thing it’s obvious you stand against. :)

      • Nishant

        I guess I understand what you mean. I didn’t mean to sound polarising in my comment. People not believing in evolution does that to me, I guess, and the global warming was just another example (albeit more controversial).

      • kook

        Damn those creationists. 

      • Nishant

        And hey, equating your beliefs for or against global warming, which come from your study as a climatologist, and hers, which come from The Book, is not really correct.

    • Dottedlinedolores

      Where does it ever imply that she stopped believing in evolution, or global warming, or LGBT rights because she is dating this person? Oh, that’s right, it didn’t. 

      Kick it down a notch, sister. 

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