There is no such thing as commitment issues — at least when it comes to relationships. Now, I’m sure there are some legitimate Romeo and Juliet scenarios out there, or perhaps there are people who actually do not like being in relationships. There’s also the fear of “settling down” or missing out.
For the most part though, I think “commitment issues” are bullshit. In every sense of the phrase, when it comes to relationships.
How many times have you heard someone say to you or your friend that they are “not ready for a relationship” and then the second you turn around, your Facebook says that they are IN A RELATIONSHIP with someone else?
Side note: Do people use Facebook to declare a relationship anymore? Let’s change it to a couple’s selfie on Instagram with some caption like “Picnics with bae are best thing I could ever ask for!!! *emoji* *emoji* emoji*”
Now this is obviously infuriating and heartbreaking. They just told you that they were not looking for a relationship and somehow they stumbled into one? That is some bullshit.
To put things in perspective though, haven’t you ever turned someone down because you said you weren’t “looking for anything serious,” but what you REALLY meant was that you were not looking for anything serious with them.
Maybe you wanted to see what else was out there and you missed being single, but mainly you were not into them.
And you know what? That’s fine you were not into them! You don’t have to make up the excuse that you have “commitment issues.” When did we have to make up romantic disorders to compensate that someone is not right for us?
I’ve said “I’m not looking for anything serious,” to spare a guy’s feelings. I did not want to hurt them, but to say I developed a phobia to romantic entanglements is a bit much. When are we ever not looking for someone? I’m not saying you should be on tinder swiping for the one until your fingerprint disappears, but everyone is always on the lookout.
Telling someone you are not looking for anything serious creates miscommunication. In my case, I thought I had politely broken up with him. He thought he still had a shot with me and that eventually we would get back together. You see how this message is confusing for both parties?
I’ve also been on the other end, when a guy said that he was not ready to commit, yet found himself in a relationship about a month later. This guy could have saved me a lot of trouble if he had just let me known from the start that he did not want a relationship with me. Sure, it would have hurt, but it would have saved me the trouble of finding out via Facebook.
If you say “you are not looking for a relationship” and then you get into a relationship, you will be portrayed as a liar to the other party.
Think about the conversation that will happen when they do eventually settle down.
“She’s getting married!? She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship!”
“Bro, that was 20 years ago! Maybe she wasn’t ready for a relationship with you when your idea of ‘night out’ was making her ramen with peanut butter and calling it ‘pad thai.’”
Sure, it is not fun to be let down. Yet think about how much time you could have saved if you were not waiting around for this person. You might have been more open to other people who were interested, instead of pining away at someone who said that they were not ready to commit.
There are going to be plenty of people who will not let you know directly if they are not interested , but if they say that they are “not looking for anything serious” and you are. Take the hint and move on, even if that is really, really hard to do.
Maybe even after all this, you still feel like waiting for the day to come that they have gotten past their “issues” and are ready to commit to you. Perhaps you should ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who did not want this initially? It is not exactly the healthiest way to start a relationship.
Also, there is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship. You do not have to have “issues” just because you have not found someone you want to be in a relationship with and you are having fun in the meantime. There is no need to shame yourself into a bad relationship. You can have fun with other people, just make sure that they are also on board because you do not want to hurt anyone in the process.
I say these things because you deserve more. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. You should be with someone who cannot wait to spend time with you. Someone you can go on Instagram-worthy picnics and use all heart, unicorn and rainbow emojis in your caption. Now go forth single one and consider yourself cured of all make believe romantic maladies.