The Older Guy

About a year ago, you would never have considered dating someone in their thirties or even their late twenties. But now that you have new responsibilities like a job, student loans and rent you decide to step up your game and date someone to match your new mature lifestyle. You meet through work after you notice his combed hair, collared shirts and ironed khakis. To your dismay however, he dresses like that outside the office. This relationship ultimately ends though when he criticizes you for going out on a weeknight or essentially for doing things that “23-year-olds do”.

The Man­Boy

After trying to be mature, you swing in the complete opposite direction and date someone your own age, maybe even a little younger. You meet at a house party over a keg. You become fast friends and before you know it Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are dedicated to staying out until 3am. He is funny, cute and down to stay out all night. He is never too old for a game of “Kings”. Although he never takes you on an official date, you always wind up together at the end of night. This eventually ends when the weather starts to cool down and you realize that 23 to you is different than 23 to him. Also he still doesn’t have a bed frame.

Your Ex

You reconnect over a friendly “Happy Birthday” text also known as the booty call of Adulthood. You decide it would be completely harmless to catch up over drinks. You reassure your friends that it is all innocent and you are both over each other. At the bar, you throw all that out the window and you find yourself back at his apartment. Before you know it, you both pick up where you left off. And even though you said you would never go back, you’re so relieved that you found each other again. You are both more mature and in better places. Maybe this time it can work. But then the things that tore you apart start to appear again. You remember why you didn’t work in the first place, only it’s worse this time because you realize that you will always love them, but also that it will also never be with them.

College Crush

You lock eyes at your old college bar at what can only be identified as an unofficial college reunion. He is just as perfect as he was in college. After a couple drinks you stumble up to him and get to talking about that one class you had together junior year. As he talks, you wonder if it’s possible that he has gotten better looking. Then out of nowhere he confesses that he had a crush on you. You spend the rest of the night kissing and dancing. This relationship ultimately goes nowhere because you don’t live in your college town anymore.

The Wanna Be Radical

You meet at the a vegan tea ice cream shop. You strike up a conversation about cupcakes and he asks if you are also vegan. You think “Can’t I enjoy a egg­less milk­less peanut butter cookie without being a vegan?” Anyway, he asks you out for drinks and you say yes. He is really different than you. He’s a caring, politically involved and actually pulls off a beard. You go on a couple more dates until he until he ultimately ends it with you when you refuse to give up bacon.

The Tinder Date

You do this to prove that you are not above online dating and less face it: an easy ego boost. After about a month of unmatching guys the second they ask you out, you decide that you should take a chance. You choose to meet up at a bar. They seem pretty normal. Actually kind of cute. As you go the date, you realize this might not be so bad. They make you laugh. They pay for your drink. You could get used to it this whole “online dating thing”. You ignore the fact that there are tinder messages popping all over their screen like a bad case of acne and continue to sip on you free beer. The night comes to a close and they insist on walking you to your apartment. As you kiss good night you start to say “I would invite you up, but…” but you have no excuse. This has never happened before, you always had an excuse. He starts to get mad and go ons a monologue about “Why would you say that?” you start to slowly back away and awkward shut the door as you realize maybe online dating isn’t for you after all. Or dating in general. Maybe you should just get a dog.