Being an adult, does not always mean making responsible choices like listening to talk radio. No, there are plenty of artificial ways to measure the way the your youth is fleeting.
1. Going out on a Friday night sounds exhausting. You just worked 40 hours+ and now you are expected to go to a noisy club, wear an outfit that is not weather appropriate, get grinded up on by some creepy dudes and NOT eat cheese fries. No. That sounds terrible. Want to know what does sound good? Cuddling with your box of wine and catching up on Scandal, because Olivia Pope is the only person you want to hang out with tonight.
2. Tupperware excites you. Growing up, you never understood the concept of Tupperware parties. How people could get excited over tiny little boxes of plastic? Well, you know what? Those tiny little plastic boxes are the Christmas Ornaments to your sad desk lunch.
3. You waste NO FOOD. You will eat ANYTHING you buy. Hey, remember when you were a kid and your bread had the littlest speck on it and you would throw it away. Well, those days are over. Now you will eat that bread even if 67% of it is green.
4. You understand the importance of exercising. I’m not saying you do it, but you at understand the importance of it.
5. If you got pregnant, people would not be freaked out about your age. Gone are the days that people would be scared about how young you are to have a child. Don’t worry though, people would still be freaked out in other ways that you are irresponsible, like that time you managed to kill your plant that didn’t even need sunlight or water, which was both horrifying and impressive.
6. Going to get your taxes done is the new walk of shame. I would rather go on a hundred horrible tinder dates than have to experience the shame of sharing what I spend my money on. “Yes, Mr. H&R Block, I understand that I somehow simultaneously spend a lot of money on groceries, yet still manage to go out to eat everyday. Sue me (but not really because I’ve spent already spent all my money on burritos).”
7. You start participating in a retirement plan. And ironically, a little piece of your soul dies. Just when you thought buying a Keurig was all the investing your future needed.