There comes a time that you won’t believe in anything anymore. No encouraging messages can lift your spirit or the inspirational quotes you read while you’re on your way to work could make you feel any better. No words, no matter how beautifully orchestrated they are to create a wonderful piece of advice can inspire you. It just doesn’t work anymore.
As you sit down at your desk to work, you prepare yourself for yet another day that will unfold. You just sit there with a blank expression because you know there’s nothing that will unfold, there’s nothing to look forward to. You’re well aware that at the end of the day, you’ll come home and do the things you do to survive the lonely night. You are all alone enduring the pain; a numbing pain cause by self-pity that you can’t rid-off. It’s just there. It sticks to your soul like a chewed up gum stuck under your shoes that you never intend to step on.
You pity yourself because you have no choice but to stay and live your life. You pity yourself because you have to look okay in front of others, and that nothing is wrong. But everywhere you look, everything is wrong. You feel like your insides are crumbling down, but you can’t allow yourself to let anyone know because seeing the look in their eyes filled with curiosity or judgment will just make you want to kill yourself more.
But you won’t, because you don’t want the people in your life that you deem important to get hurt and doubt their selves.
Frankly, it’s not their fault.
It’s not their fault that you don’t see wonder in life anymore. It’s not their fault that you simply don’t love yourself enough. It’s not their fault that you’re hopeless.
But believe me darling, no matter how life consumes you; a glimmer of hope will sprout from your heart.
And no matter how you keep it to run dry and die because you’re so scared that hoping will lead to a whole new round of painful disappointments, it will always find its way to grow and give light to your soul.
It’s not instant, but it will, believe me.
It will slowly get better.
It will shed light on the corners where your demons reside.
It will ease the self-hatred you feel for being not enough.
Believe me, it will.
It may not be as bright as the sun at noon, but it will light you up enough to see the things you’ve been missing. Like the streak of the morning sun peeking through your window urging you to get up and start another day.
One day, you’ll wake up and realize you’re not being fair to yourself.
It will suddenly dawn on you that you didn’t survive the countless battles that came your way just so you’ll just end up giving up on yourself.
Self-love will suddenly come knocking on your heart.
You’ll be hesitant to welcome it, I know.
But you will, believe me.