Never Having You Back Is My Happy Ending

My passion for you would have set a forest on fire but of course, you were the wet wood so strong my flame stopped. I wanted you dry so that you could set me ablaze but a fire that waits for a wood is a fire that eventually burns down.

I thought I needed you and maybe for those days I did. Finding a love makes you crazy, it makes you think nothing else will compare. A love like yours was an incredible chase I absolutely craved for. I never knew how deep the passion went until you left me. I felt alone- as if all the stars disappeared from the sky and the moon was left alone.

I thought that if you came back, I will be my happiest again. That’s why I did my best to get you back, the promise of us holding hands again, texting again, spending time together felt like a dream that had to turn into reality.

But baby, they were all nightmares; each text hurt more because I could feel it would not last. Each meet up hurt because it was by chance and I knew the next one would be by chance as well. All your words were empty, no matter how deep I dug because the grave where our love lied was as empty, with just your broken promises and the pieces of my soul laying there.

You might have for one bit loved or liked me with your heart but I loved you with my whole soul. What is a heart when I brought my entire soul to you. At first, never having you back felt like I would be in darkness, it felt like a nightmare but it is just the fantasy I need. I will never have to be vigilant for the next time you leave- I would never have to feel the pain of not knowing whether you would hold my heart. I would never have to cry looking at poetry books knowing that the love the poets had is just like what I had for you.

Letting you go is my happy ending because I am letting go of the fragile self I used to be, I am letting go of the self that abandoned her own needs to meet others, I am letting go of the self that was waiting for you to save her.

I am entering a new dimension – a self I have not yet touched but super excited to be intimate with.

About the author
I love embracing the parts of life that most people shy away from. Follow Noma on Instagram or read more articles from Noma on Thought Catalog.

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