The cult of being single is a lie made to appeal to your insecurities
I hear it every day. I don’t need a boyfriend. Fuck boys!
I am in a generation that fears love and commitment while secretly wanting to live in a Disney movie. I don’t know anyone who is honest about their feelings when they begin dating (let’s be honest, I mean sleeping) with someone new. Then a few drinks in, people cry to me about not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, or why is dating so hard, or why doesn’t anyone love you.
Grow the fuck up.
You’ve lied to yourself that being single makes you strong and confident, but you’re pathetic and sad. You want someone to love you, but you can’t muster up the energy to care for another person. You push people away and then get upset when they don’t come running after you. And the only respite you have is how great being single really is. But it’s a lie to mask your insecurities.
In fact, there’s nothing wrong with being single. Many people enjoy it. But there are many more that lie to themselves about enjoying it. It’s just as bad as lying to yourself about loving your partner when those feelings have already come and gone.
To escape this vicious cycle, I invite you to be honest with yourself. You can still put up the charade around your friends–but make an effort not to lie to yourself. Some of you desire love and intimacy. For some reason, you think that desire means there’s something wrong with you. You think that desire makes you needy or weak. But in fact, that desire is the only clue you have that will point you in the direction of having a satisfied, stable life.
My generation knows about being a go-getter with work and sex: If you want it, go get it. But love terrifies us as some unknowable enigma. The desire for it becomes sinful and wrong. Is it so terrible to admit you want something that takes effort to get?
Is the real fear that Disney love isn’t real and real love takes time, effort, commitment, and forgiveness? It’s good to admit to yourself what you want–even if it’s something that’s not real. This is the first step to getting something that is real. People want love to be easy, magical and risk-free. In the face of the realization that risk-free love isn’t love at all, we push away our desires and join the cult of being single: “We’re better off alone anyway.” If we can’t get exactly what we want, it’s not worth it.
And to that cycle of emotions, there’s only one thing left to say, again:
Grow the fuck up.