Now, this might come across as a gendered article but in all honesty, this goes out to everyone who has ever had their hearts broken but keeps picking up the pieces on their own; trying to weave webs of lies to believe it was worth it after all.
Let me impartially and objectively narrate your scenario. You are in a relationship… or at least, you think you are. You take responsibility for keeping it as romantic as possible with the excuse that the other party may be too busy, let’s say, planning a future. Did it ever hit you, however, that if it was really about love, then you deserve to be part of that future? Or were you too busy keeping the both of you together when it’s clear that no one’s holding the other end of the rope?
Guilty? Let’s try this. It was your birthday and you have been waiting the entire day for that one special person to greet you, give you a present, throw you a surprise party, etc. That message never came; but still, you keep that tiny flame of hope burning that maybe it was really meant to be a surprise; that before the clock strikes past midnight, someone will knock on your door and give you the best surprise of your life. Yes, picture the “to-me-you-are-perfect” scene from Love, Actually. Now, look at the time. It’s 12:01 and it’s no longer your birthday. Did the text come? Maybe it did; but, was it meant to be as special as you thought it would? Probably not. It’s either he/she has forgotten your birthday or he/she remembered but it wasn’t so special that he/she would not spend time preparing for it.
Am I getting warm? Next, you are not in a long distance kind of relationship but to you, it feels like that all along. No dinner dates, no movie dates together, not even quick lunch dates and it is all fun and ok until you reach a “significant milestone” in the relationship. An anniversary, for example. You do not know how big the world is for every person to come up with an excuse valid enough just so he/she can blow you off. Ok, let’s take the other side. When finally he/she asks you out for lunch or dinner, you would passionately and hurriedly run just to get to him/her because at last, it wasn’t you making the effort and you imagine as if it was a scene from a movie with you running in slow motion getting all the wind effect necessary and with a kick-ass romantic soundtrack. To you, it was a big step up from his/her indifferent demeanor but in reality, he/she may be just bored or didn’t want to eat lunch alone or had an extra cash to spare or was pressured because every freaking table is occupied by couples. Take your pick.
I’m not saying this to judge you, or hurt you, but rather to say this: you do not deserve that; you do not deserve any of that. The love that you are willing to give is admirable and it deserves to be reciprocated; maybe not in equal parts, no. It never will be but at least, he/she has to treat you right and make you happy the way his/her single, impassive “love” messages make your heart flutter. Remember, the beauty of love blooms from a perfect concoction of two different individuals willing to take the harder path just so you could beautifully endure every single heartbreak together.The amount of love need not be equal and you do not have to calculate your efforts in comparison to the other one’s but make sure you’re happy; make sure you are ok.
When you crawl back to your bed tonight, ponder on these thoughts. How happy are you? And do you get the love you deserve? You are worth more than that. You are worth somebody holding your hand through the hardest of times. You are worth a kiss at midnight the day of, and not a text the day after.