To the boy who’s willing to wait while I mend my broken heart, thank you. Thank you for not rushing me into a relationship I will not maintain well, if forced. Thank you for giving me a chance to find myself after having my world shattered by someone who did not deserve me. Thank you for making me feel worthy, when I thought I was undeserving of anyone’s time.
To the boy who’s willing to wait as I try to understand what I truly want, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for I cannot return the favor of having your heart, yet. I’m sorry because I know I am not an easy person to get along with nor to handle. I’m sorry for the 2 am-s you’d wake in tears thinking of how this relationship will end. I’m sorry for the sleepless nights because you’d opt to visit and make me feel needed.
I’m sorry for the bad mornings when your phone rings and hear a voice to tell you to fetch me. I am more flawed than anyone I’ve encountered. I am uncertain about a lot of things, which leads me to taking them for granted. I push away everyone who tries to help me, because I am in denial. I, too, don’t understand why you’re staying in an unsure relationship.
To the boy who’s willing to wait until the day I answer the question, I’m not going to force you to linger in an ambivalent feeling. I will always tell you that you deserve someone else because I know that there is a person out there waiting for you while you’re here trying to endure the pain of something lacking.
I will always remind you that I’m worthless not to fish for compliments, because you always do, but because I want you to realize that I am less of what you are. I will push you away, not because I want to test you if you’d come back, but because from time to time the pain I felt before would come back and will make me doubt about every guy trying to get in my life.