Hey you – yeah, I’m talking to you 20-something single girl with that second Whiskey Sour in your hand, rocking those ankle boots and high-waisted shorts, standing next to your best friend. Guess what? Tonight’s not about you! Wait, let’s repeat that.
Tonight is not about YOU.
Wait, don’t leave, don’t cry! I know, I know….it’s a really hard concept to understand that tonight might just not be about you. But look to your left. See her? Your best friend who’s held your hair back when you drank too much, who texts you to make sure you get home okay late at night…Yep, her. She’s looking really pretty tonight and she’s talking to that cute guy she’s been crushing on for the last month. Tonight it is all about best friend and cute guy who only has 73 instagram pictures and wears glasses/flannels. Tonight it’s all about them and it’s all about how YOU, Whiskey Sour, can make your friend look amazing.
You’re going to have to take one for the team, you know? You’re going to have to make yourself look like an idiot, probably. Oh good, listen, they’re playing Shake Ya Tailfeather in the bar. This is the perfect opportunity for you to show all of your strangest dance moves. Like how you can do the worm backwards – no one’s really impressed with that so make sure you do that a lot so your friend and her guy will be all like, “Oh my gosh, look at that IDIOT!”
You also need to throw into the conversation how badass your friend is. Don’t touch Cute Guy on shoulder, don’t mention anything awesome about yourself or your job (Yeah, it IS cool your improv team had an amazing set, NO, it’s not cool to talk about it to Cute Guy).
Tonight you need to make Best Friend look really fucking great. And hey, it won’t be hard because she IS really fucking great, she just forgets it sometimes. So your job is to remind her and Cute Guy how dope she is. Like how she spent that one summer picking up trash at the beach because she cares about “nature” – YEAH, mention that! Mention how she’s so charming and funny and how sometimes you just absolutely WEEP from laughter when she’s around. How she writes the coolest short stories, how she went to a great college, how she listens to NPR, how she has a good relationship with her family.
All of these things will make Best Friend feel AWESOME and Cute Guy will probably quirk an eyebrow and be like, “I am probably going to ask her to hang out after this night.”
No one in this triangle cares about how cool you are. So stop talking about it and text your boyfriend a nice emoji and realize that HEY, you’ve already been wing-womaned so it’s time to repay the favor to your bestie.
So hang in there, Whiskey Sour. Good wingwomen are hard to come by, you know? You got this.