When You Lose Someone You Never Had

Xavier Sotomayor

It feels like you the urge to pour your heart out, but you can’t, because you’re not supposed to invest in him.

It’s like there’s a tendency for your life to fall apart when he’s not around but you act like he doesn’t matter.

He’s the person you want to mention when people ask you about your past relationships, but you can’t because he was just an almost.

It feels like rain when the sun is out, the kind that’s not good for you – like it’s not meant to be.

It feels like you know him inside out, but there’s still a wall – friendship on one side, and love on the other.

He’s the one who started a fire in your heart, but he put out the fire just as quickly as it came.

And how he made you feel so many things at the same time, but at the end of the day you have to tell yourself it’s probably nothing.

It feels like when you tell each other ‘I hate you’, you actually mean the opposite.

You can feel it in the words that are left unspoken, the ones that linger long after you’ve said goodbye.

And the mean things that he jokingly says to you, becomes a trigger for quarrels that shouldn’t exist.

They say ignorance is bliss, but you tend to analyze every word he says and you hate yourself for it.

It feels like if the universe could go against someone, it would be the two of us.

It feels like there is so much left to say, and yet you can’t. Every time you start to care a little more than usual, he takes two steps back, and then you take three.

You were just scratching the surface, but you already got your heart broken thinking ‘what if’ over and over.

And you won’t admit that to anyone but yourself. You don’t even know why you couldn’t happen, but you didn’t and you won’t.

It feels like the question you will never have an answer to.TC mark

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