6 Signs Your “Friend” Is Fake

Mean Girls
Mean Girls

Nobody is perfect and everyone is guilty of a little lying and exaggeration. But fake people take it to an extreme level where their entire identity is defined by external validation. Since their goal is to make friends with honest people because they can’t stand their own kind, how does one recognize them early to avoid getting involved in loving relationships, friendship or even business partnerships with them?

1. Everything is always amazing about them

Excitement and joy are positive emotions. But life can’t always be great, except when it comes to fake people. If they went to a hip night club last night and it really sucked, it won’t matter: to them, telling everyone they went to the popular spot is more important than actual fun. The next day you will see totally awesome pictures of their event on FaceBook, as they went to the corner where the only 2 people present in the club were dancing and they took 50 selfies with their mouth open and their tongue sticking out, pouring beer on themselves like they had the most extraordinary time of their life.

2. They turn small things into huge accomplishments

Took one free promotional boxing class 5 years ago? “I’ve done amateur boxing in my youth.”

Gave 25 cents to a beggar to get rid of him this morning? “I’m a philanthropist at heart.”

Sold chocolate bars door-to-door to collect money for a high school project? “My first business venture wasn’t all that successful, but they say every millionaire gets bankrupt 3 times before they get rich.”

Their Twitter bio: Outstanding water drinker. Proud possessor of two feet. Astonishing and spectacular oxygen-to-CO2 converter.

3. They won’t shut up

A conversation with fakes is not about conversing, it’s about them trying to talk as much as possible and subtly dropping hints about how good they are. To them, spurious title attributions are bigger and have more significance than their own identity. If they ask you about your life, they’re not interested in knowing about it, they just want to tell you about theirs and how mind blowing it is:

Sham Bogus: “I proudly work for Big Name Drop as a coolest sounding job title ever, I manage clients from all over the globe! It’s so out of this world! I absolutely love numbers, I’m fascinated by them.”

The reality: on contract, working in a cubicle with no windows, doing 9 to 5 with unpaid overtime, getting orders from a younger less qualified boss, hating the job but can waste a few hours a day whining about it on a blog under another name.

4. Their word doesn’t mean anything

Since appearances are what matters the most to them, they will say anything just for the excitement of the moment. They are able to shamelessly promise the sky with complete confidence and intent, but when the time comes to actually do the actions they said they would do, they have an assortment of excuses to bail them out. Fortunately, after a few of these tricks, you learn to insist, pressure them and treat them like little brats to discover their extremely important meeting they had to attend can be rescheduled later after all.

5. They never say what they think or want

They will never state anything directly because they’re constantly trying to figure out how to hide their agenda. When they’re unsure, they boast and try to appear knowledgeable for fear that you might take advantage of their moment of vulnerability. When they’re angry at you, they never show it, sometimes trying their best to laugh and appear happy instead, even though they will build and hold a grudge out way out of proportion with the fault. They will patiently and cowardly wait at a crucial moment to try to strike you down when you expected them to help you instead.

6. They don’t like humans

When you first meet them, they give the impression that they’re sociable people pleasers, but you later figure out that’s just a sneaky way to get what they want. When you get to know them, they start to unload: even if results and performance never match their arrogance, they’re too smart for everybody around them and none of their lovers, friends or family is good enough.

In the end, their greatest fear is to be unmasked. When they are put on the spot, their true nature comes out: they’re scared, defenseless plucked little chickens. They’re not nice, they’re not happy, they’re not successful, they’re certainly not cool and laid back and in the end, they don’t even like you. TC mark

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