Anyone who has ever survived love lost can still recall the phantom pains of their heart being ripped out of their chest and stomped on. Breakups are awful. Even if you weren’t in love, parting ways with someone who was a significant part of your life is difficult and it really hurts. Most of us will experience a painful break up at least once.
I don’t know if we just don’t want to watch people suffer. Or perhaps our friends’ heartaches remind us of our own; however, breakups always elicit unwanted advice and it’s usually bad. This bad advice usually comes from the best place with the most honorable intentions but should be avoided at all costs. Yes I know, Nana knows best but sometimes traditional advice can make it harder to move on.
1. The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Definitely Not To Get Under Someone New
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the reverse of this statement. The only validity that can be awarded to that statement is that it’s fun to say. You cannot and should not rely on other people to fix you and your problems. Getting under someone new will be fun for maybe 15 minutes until you wake up the next morning alone and the pain of losing your significant other will still be there. Now it’s also mixed with some new feelings of abandonment because that someone new didn’t spend the night. Throwing yourself at someone new is not how you will get over your previous relationship. It’s your responsibility, and your responsibility alone to fix yourself. That should not scare you.
Do not let Chris Martin from Coldplay mislead you. Nobody is going to ride in on a white horse and fix your shattered heart. Lights will not guide you home; nobody will try to fix you. This should not be depressing. No one is coming to your rescue because you do not need anyone other than yourself to rescue you. In a low moment you may feel less than the wonderful person you are. Don’t let that become your reality. You can pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be the hero of your story. Be that person for yourself.
2. Change Everything: New Hair, New Apartment, New City
Sure a change of pace can be a great thing. Using change as an excuse to run away and hide from your breakup is not a great thing. If you cannot stand to be inside your house because your couch is where you told each other your darkest secrets and your bed is where you first said I love you then redecorate. Moving half way across the country will not erase the fact that you are still sleeping alone. It’s ok to feel sad about that.
Let yourself grieve but do not let yourself be consumed by grief. We all mourn differently. At some point you need to snap yourself out of the funk. Do one selfish thing simply because you feel like it every day. Burn something, send back his stuff, scream into your new pillows and then remind yourself that the relationship was broken not you. Do not die your hair blonde because he liked brunettes. You will look pale in the winter long after you get over him.
3. Party The Pain Away
Getting so drunk that you don’t know your own name and can’t remember the guy’s name from the club who is quietly letting himself out of your apartment will only hurt your ego. Destroying your liver won’t fix your heart. Sending yourself on a downward spiral of binge drinking, sleeping around, and destructive decisions will only keep you distracted for so long. Boys in bars will always tell you that you’re pretty. Does it matter if you don’t believe it? Put down drink number six, you don’t smoke so shake your head when someone offers, and stay away from drugs you’ve never heard of. Stop trying to smash yourself whole.
Let yourself feel – really feel. Don’t punish yourself for hurting. As cliché as it is learn to love yourself and the rest will follow. The only person you should be getting under to get over someone old is yourself. Lift yourself up, dust yourself off and you will walk away a stronger, better and happier person. And ignore outdated advice.
If you still feel like clawing your soul out of the prison your mind has become then remember that every cell in your entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years, so one day you will have a body that he has never touched. You are ok and you are enough. The only advice you need to follow is drink lots of water, eat your veggies, and do your squats.