1. Who are you? WHO AM I?
But really. When I read other people’s “About Me” or “Meet the Author” they start off with “A 20-year-old musician working on his 12th album, published author, best friends with Reverend Al Sharpton. Professional disc jockey and pilot, once set a Guinness World Record for moving my eyebrows up and down fastest consecutively, and can cook a mean steak. Made out with Lance Bass and Natalie Portman at the same time. Free spirit, likes coffee and cats.” Like, are you kidding me. I am not nearly this cool. I couldn’t even decide what I wanted for breakfast this morning so I ate chips and salsa. I haven’t changed out of my sweatpants in two days. This is who I am.
2. It’s hard to figure out how you want to come off to the world.
An “About Me” is a first impression that you have complete control over. So many first impressions are terrible — so be sure to make this one good! But then you think, great, I have all these different mediocre personality traits that make me like 20 different humans. What do I pick? Do I want to come off whimsical and dreamy? Or sarcastic and funny? Or polite and successful? I can’t choose them all or I’ll look confused and hectic. Choosing one part of your personality to profess is tough.
3. Your opening line.
This I always struggle with. Usually I just say hi because I’m neither witty nor clever. Opening lines are almost always extremely awkward. But once in a while, you stumble across that extremely entertaining and enjoyable one-liner that makes your whole face light up. That’s what you want to achieve — that humorous and effortless first impression. But does it ever work? No. I ALWAYS fall on the side of awkward and trying too hard.
4. Mentioning your educational status (for us 20-something year olds) is reason enough to skip it.
My current status is a rising junior in college. How freaking boring is that. And then mention my degrees? Christ it’s getting worse. Everyone enrolled in a 4-year university includes this crap in their blogs but somehow you have to differentiate yourself from every other person that majored in Economics or Sociology or Witty About Me’s and make yours special? Can we just leave this out? I don’t think anyone cares. Most of the time it isn’t relevant to what you’re writing about anyway. Very rarely do I see a lifestyle blog from a Bio Major that solely talks about ways to blow your nose. Can we just stop mentioning our major unless it does relate to what we’re talking about?
5. Mentioning your likes and dislikes.
When did this become appropriate to include in “About Me’s.” I really don’t think it will change my opinion on your blog if I read your “about me” and find out we both like Nutella and coffee. Weird — I didn’t think anyone liked those things!! Maybe it’ll change my mind if you say, “I like to slice my fingers off at night and put toothpicks in my flesh and pretend I’m a wolverine.” But only maybe.
6. To include your hatred of people…or not?
In the 21st century, bloggers have come to the conclusion that our laptops make better friends than the people we keep around in our life. But we don’t hate people, we hate how predictable people are, how mundane surface conversations are, and we’ve realized our cat doesn’t do that so we like them more. But we want people to read our blog right? So maybe we shouldn’t say that. But these bloggers hate people too so maybe they’ll enjoy it and our interests will correlate! Ugh. People.
7. The pressure to be witty throughout.
8. The realization that you’re a boring person and your “About Me” sounds exactly like everyone else’s.
Inevitable. Unless you personify yourself in the third person and write your “About Me” tailored to one odd experience that you made up on the spot, then you most likely just sound like everyone who thought it would be clever to do that too.