I have lost count of the times I have cried myself to sleep, thinking that I’ll never be okay again. That no matter what I do and where I go, the pain I feel will never subside. I wake up feeling like I’m drowning in a sea of memories, and it hurts to know that his beautiful smile, sweet laughter, soft hands that hold mine are all figments of my past now. After getting over that misery, I thought I will never overcome my fear of falling in love again, but I did. And it’s not because I met you, but it’s because I fell for you.
The first time I met you, it felt weird. I felt shy, uncomfortable, and scared. Scared that I might get used to seeing you everyday and hearing your voice tell me weird stuff every night before I sleep. But you know what? You made me laugh. You made me laugh all those negative thoughts away. You made me feel happy, the genuine kind of happy. You made me smile even when you don’t do anything because just the mere thought of having you around makes me ecstatic, and I love it. I felt like I was falling for you.
We are living in an era of romantic comedies and young adult novels that make us believe that love is a competition, the better you are at it, the more likely you’ll win. But truth is, nobody is good at love for we all mess up at one point. And if you are competing for love, then you’ll just end up alone.
You had a lot of girls on your slate, but you never made me feel like I was competing for you. You even chose me after seeing me in my jersey shorts, oversized shirt and tousled hair that smelled like yesterday because for you, I was at my prettiest. I thought I was no longer susceptible, but you have proven me wrong because I knew I was already falling for you.
You made me realize that falling in love doesn’t have to be complicated; it’s as simple as sitting beside you, watching the worst shows in television but not wanting to be anywhere else because I already have what I need right next to me. It’s holding your hand while we stroll around the city and it feels like the perfect fit, even if your hands are way too big for mine. It’s sharing our most random thoughts to each other and doing weird stuff that others don’t understand, but we could not be any happier. I could not be any happier.
We have a lot of differences, and few similarities. But it doesn’t matter because we always find ways to make things work. To make us work. Love requires endless compromising and hard work. It’s surpassing all those fights and wanting to be there through the good and most especially, the bad times. Loving you is what I do better than all the things I’m good at. And it’s not because I’m an expert in love, but it’s because I found what everyone else is looking for– genuine happiness. Once you find that, you take care of it, cherish it, and hold on to it for the rest of your life.
You don’t need to be someone else or even try to be someone else, because the imperfect you is what made my life a unique kind of perfect. And that is how I fell for you.