The Double Standards Of Modern Day Dating

In an era of ‘fuckboys’ and ‘bad bitches’, nice girls and guys are finishing last. Modern dating has polarized men and women into two extreme categories of good and bad.

Most kids of our generation usually enter their first relationships at ages when neither person is mature or even has a scientifically fully developed brain. After a bad relationship experience, a person disintegrates into two options. In the first instance, he or she goes crazy, letting their mommy, daddy, abandonment issues and insecurities get the better of them. In the second instance, a player or playerette emerges from the ashes, perpetuating the vicious cycle of childish games.

Love has become a fine balancing act between having no boundaries and building an impenetrable wall. There is no more middle ground. People either shut themselves down wallowing in self-pity or seethe in bitterness and revenge, inflicting their damage and brokenness onto someone else.

Millennials have mistakenly assumed that playing around and breaking people’s hearts is cool. That not seeming to care and being emotionless is desirable. That being vulnerable is the worst, most miserable state one can be in, and so they try every single game in the book to avoid the fear of being called the c-word, cling and crazy. Nobody wants to be whipped for fear of being broken or taken advantage of. In an age of instant gratification, social status and narcissism, it gives an adrenaline rush and an ego boost to have admirers and treat them like they mean nothing. Millennial have become so image-oriented that they take the pain of rejection very personally.

Perhaps if we started to realize that love doesn’t have to be such a battleground, we could reinvent the way we practice it. Immature people crave the validation of perceived bad boys and girls, because they haven’t worked on self-love. They foolishly pride themselves on the challenge of conquering something they can’t have. They falsely believe that they are not good enough, and must try harder to convince the person of their own self-worth. They chase and run behind what may not even be good for them. Why are we so obsessed with wanting people who don’t want us?

The real truth is that actually women don’t love assholes, and men don’t love bitches. Nobody likes to be disrespected and treated like crap.

Men are not afraid of commitment and women are not obsessed with it. Women and men, who are centered, desire balanced and mature people. People with healthy boundaries take responsibility for their actions and emotions. They have self-esteem and self-respect.

Similarly, nice girls don’t finish last, and neither do nice guys. People who are too nice lack boundaries. They turn needy because they let their love interest dictate their happiness. They revolve their entire lives around this one person, put them on a pedestal and idealize them. Then they are severely disappointed when things don’t work out. They have a hard time saying no, because they want to be liked by someone else, since they are so lonely on the inside. They blame the lack in their love lives for being too nice, not realizing that they are being hypocritical.

Instead of engaging in silly games and one-upping each other, we should focus on being balanced individuals to attract good relationships. We should work on building our own worlds rather than trying to be in someone else’s. We should realize that we are allowed to take up space and be whom we truly are; we don’t have be too nice or too mean for someone to like us.

Real life is not a social media highlight reel. In order to have authentic relationships, we must be comfortable with our own flaws and imperfections, and tolerant of them in others. If you are mature enough, you will automatically attract and be attracted to someone at your level.

So let’s get out of the playing field, and start being smart. Let’s bring love and vulnerability back. Let’s take responsibility for the dumb black and white stereotypes we are perpetuating, and stop f**king each other over and over. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Lover of personal growth and poetry

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