I’m a control freak when it comes to my emotions. I work hard to keep them under lock and key. The reason for that is that I’ve handed my heart far too many times to people who do not appreciate it, people who do not understand it, people who do not want it and people who have handed it back to me, ruined and broken, and a lot more hurt than it was before.
So for someone like me, to find my control slipping away, to see my heart being stolen by someone else is actually one of the most terrifying things ever. I’ve been so afraid of getting hurt, so afraid of the damage that I knew would come with it, love took me by complete surprise this year. You see, I had convinced myself the next time I loved, I would walk into it, eyes wide open. Falling meant hitting the ground with a loud bang that would shatter me, I was sure of this.
It’s taken me some time to understand this, but feelings were made to be felt in full. Hearts were made to break so they could resurrect stronger from the wreckage. How else was I ever going to learn how to let go if I didn’t let my feelings do the talking once in a while.
I finally learned to trust my feelings and go with the flow in 2017. I learned that even if the person gave you your heart back broken, you have to be brave enough to trust someone with it again. I learned that this is what it takes to be human, breaking, and remoulding better versions of yourself.
Falling in love was the scariest thing I did in 2017. And even if my heart gets broken, I will do it again and again and again until I learn that loving people is a blessing, not a curse. Never a curse.