Close The Door And Take Your Lies With You

God & Man

You actually had the audacity to tell me you were the best thing that had ever happened to me and I would never find someone to love me the way you love me. You broke up with me countless times to exploit my fear of abandonment. You threw my trauma in my face and told me I deserved it because I am somehow “difficult”. So when I called you out on it after four years, naturally your first move instead of leaving as I suggested was to punch me.

This is what abusive people do after all. When the emotional abuse isn’t doing it’s job anymore, it’s time to use physical abuse to intimidate your partner. I don’t know why I was surprised to see your fist coming flying at me when it was you who suggested the break up and I simply agreed with it.

Interestingly, it’s your fist hitting me that made me realise how many lies you had been feeding me. You were not the best thing that happened to me. I did not deserve the abuse that occurred before you in my life. You were gaslighting me about my self worth, who I was as a person, and how much I was worth.

So please pick up your bags and leave. I don’t want you here anymore. All of your apologies after are nothing but lies for fear that I will leave you. Because you and I both know that there is nothing here for me to stay for. You caused this fire, but I’m the one whose going to set our relationship aflame. I learned how little I was valuing myself when I recognised falling in love with you was the biggest mistake I ever made.

Take your lies with you and close the damned door on your way out. I recognised my own worth and there is no place for you in my life anymore. There is no place in my life for someone who looks at me and sees something they can use, who throws my love so violently back in my face.

So please, leave. And take your lies with you. I have learned how to love myself and strengthened myself to the call of the wild within me. And lionesses don’t need anyone to tell them how to hunt or love themselves. They already know how. TC mark

Nikita Gill

Nikita is the author of Your Soul Is A River, a book about healing and becoming whole again.

Your Soul Is A River

“Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.”
—Excerpt from Your Soul Is A River, by Nikita Gill

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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