There are days I wish I wasn’t made of so many painful things. Of secrets and heartache and tiredness and stories that make the people who have dared to stay and love me’s bones quake. On these days, I look at myself in the mirror and hate everything I have become. I pick out my flaws from my inner wounds and dance with them till my feet bleed.
Some days, being human is just hard because our brains don’t know how to leave us be. Some days the world seems like it’s too cruel to exist in because closure doesn’t come to us. The sad thing is, so many people must feel the same way, but still get out of bed every morning, eat their food, walk to work and try to make a day’s work happen. And those are days when you wish you had super powers, or a magic potion, anything to make the pain go away and help you just go through the motions of the day without constantly feeling the need to cry.
I want you to know, no matter how fragile you think you are in this very moment, you are not so fragile at all. You are an impossibly soft thing, and for impossibly soft things, that are self and world aware, the world can be a bitter place sometimes. Do not hate yourself for feeling so much. Do not hate yourself for the negativity, the tiredness, the sadness around you. Let yourself feel it for a while.
You see, every time we feel the sadness we hide inside our souls, it teaches us something new. Every memory filled with heartache is also filled with lessons. And as human beings, every time we relive something, we see a different perspective, a different idea, a different concept.
This is what I know of my pain. Every time I dance with my flaws, I learn to love one of them a bit better. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, hating myself, I reconcile with one thing that I did wrong. Every painful thing I was made of, has not turned me into a hateful person because I chose to make my pain a lesson rather than a burden. And although I am not perfect and never will be, I am wholly aware that I, like you, am a work in progress. Ever evolving, ever growing, ever trying to find a way to heal.
So forgive yourself for falling weak to your memories. It takes strength to become the person that learns from your pain. And you deserve every ounce of respect for that.