The Hardest Part About Being A People Pleaser That Nobody Likes To Admit

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isoul

Of recent, I’ve had to make my peace with something. And making my peace with it has taught me a few unforgettable lessons. The first thing I need to admit, is that I am a people pleaser. I have issues letting go of people from my life. I can’t stand the idea of someone not liking me. I often do too much for people. And most of all, I can’t bear the idea of someone hating me.

But I have learned that the people who suddenly begin to hate you for no reason, who refuse to tell you why they hate you, do not deserve to be taking up so much of your time nor your headspace.

Truth is, if you’re anything like me, you’re going to try your level best to fix it. You’ll text, ask to meet, ask to resolve the issue, wonder what you have done wrong, and do your level best to fix it. I value everyone in my life and don’t like losing friends for any reason, so this is just something I will do. The people I love mean the world to me and I have always gone the extra mile for someone I care for. I learned from a very early age, that I was the kind of person that gave more love than I would ever receive in return and I made myself okay with that. Not everyone was made to love that way, and that’s all right, because most people will love you back in the best way they know how. You have to accept the different kind of loves there are in the world if you want to exist happily in it.

But even being that kind of person, even if you are the kind of person who will do anything to fix a broken relationship or try really hard for someone, there are people who will actively choose not to fix things with you. They will not want you in their lives. They will choose to distance themselves even if they know you are the kind of person who would never hurt them deliberately and would apologise and do your very best to make it up to them.

Unfortunately, if such a person is part of your friends circle, there isn’t a whole lot you can do but be civil to them. Asking them to actually have a conversation with you about whats really wrong is a moot point. They will not speak to you about it. I’m going to say it here and say it honestly:

It’s okay to be disliked.

There is nothing wrong with being disliked by someone if you have tried to fix things with them and they have actively chosen not to.

You have got to rise above it. Think of all the people who do hold affection for you in their hearts. Value the friends who have been honest with you when you have asked what is wrong and they have told you. And most of all value the friends who have made an effort to fix things when things have gone wrong in your friendship or relationship. I am blessed to have a few such people in my life who I had feared I would have lost forever. But they stayed, they understood, they wanted to be around despite everything.

Remember, these are the people that should mean the world to you and you should hold onto. Because these are the people who cared when no one else did. Try to please those people. Because those are the people who deserve you and your efforts.

Forget anyone who does not want you despite your best efforts for them. They were not friends of yours to begin with. And they’re certainly not worth it now. TC mark

Nikita Gill

Nikita is the author of Your Soul Is A River, a book about healing and becoming whole again.

Your Soul Is A River

“Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.”
—Excerpt from Your Soul Is A River, by Nikita Gill

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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