There are things you get too old for like your dad holding your hand while walking across the street or your mom picking out your outfits for school, but the one thing I never got too old for was my father tucking me in before bed at night.
For most kids they had parents who either read them a story or sung them a lullaby, but I had something more valuable than that. My father would tell me stories about sports, he would ask me about how I was feeling, and my most favorite topic of all time was when he would talk about my mom.
He would constantly tell me how lucky he was to have her and how much he loved her. How he couldn’t imagine his life without her and that he never had someone who stood by his side like she did. He would talk about how beautiful she was, how she was more perfect then anyone he could ever dream of, and that most importantly she made him a better person. These were the stories and conversations I went to sleep with every night. I don’t think I could have been more blessed than to have a father who was so open with the love he had not just for my mom but everyone around him.
After he passed away one of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t understand the concept of love anymore. To my surprise my mother, in time, loved to talk to me about how in love she was with her husband. Even nine years later her eyes light up when she tells me stories about him and how even though he made her crazy he made life more exciting. She told me she was never able to imagine life without him but she was only able to go one because of the love she had for me and because they both were so happy when I came along.
When they both told me these stories it was never about who did more, who made more money, and there was never a competition about who loved each other more because there would never be a way for that to be measured…not even science could figure that one out. At the end of these conversations my parents would always ask me to promise when I got older that even when it became hard or frustrating that I’d never settle and to always hold out for someone who deeply loved me.
I know I can keep that promise to them since I know exactly what I’ll be looking for. I want a love my parents had (have). I want spontaneous trips to Philly because my husband is craving a real cheese steak sandwich. I want stupid fights about how if I just added peas to the stew it would have been that much better. I want someone to record episodes of Jeopardy and wait till I come home to watch it so we can compete against each other.
I want someone to piss me off on purpose so we can have pointless fights that make us laugh the next day. I want a love where he makes me feel like I am the only one in the room. I want a love where I can enjoy things with my friends because he knows I will always come back to him at the end of the day. I want someone who I can fart around. I want someone who will support everything I love in life even if they seem crazy. I want someone who notices the small things I do while everyone is enjoying the bigger things.
I want love where no matter how much money we don’t have, we work together and push through, not by walking away but by picking each other up. I want someone who I can talk to for hours about nothing but also sit in complete silence with. I want a love that even years after they are gone I love him just the same. I want passionate extraordinary love. I want unexpected love. I want love worth all the pain before them.
I’ll know when I get it, because that kind love is the one you can’t miss.