I would ask if you remember me, but I know your answer. “How could I forget you? You ruined me.” I know if I actually wrote this letter and sent it you would see my name on the top left corner and rip it up, throw it out, or maybe even get wild and burn it. You probably wouldn’t even laugh at that joke because I know how angry you are with me. I hope you know I don’t blame you I was a terrible person…especially in the end. You loved me though all my flaws, my crazy moments, and most importantly my indecisiveness. I am grateful for that.
We re-met our senior year of high school at some house party. I say re-met because the least time we saw each other we were in eighth grade and painfully awkward. You in the sense that you barely said more than one word and me in the sense that I just figured out what make up was and relied on it more than necessary. I couldn’t believe we were in each other’s presence again that I knew I had to take the opportunity. Before I knew it we were spending every waking moment together. You’d pick me up after school and we’d walk around the park in your town talking about nearly everything. Well, really it was more of you listening and me talking. Weekends were reserved for movies or going out to eat. Where you always paid even when I insisted I treat.
We were enamored with each other and I was the happiest I had been in a very long time. At this moment in our relationship I knew I loved you and the seventeen year old me even thought you could be the “one”. For a while you were but then everything changed. I became tired of being the only one that was talking and never hearing about something you may have felt deeply about. You always took the easy way out, just agreed, and moved on. You seemed to always find a reason to never bring me around your family. You would avoid coming to my house and when you did you barely spoke. Before I knew it we were fighting more than laughing. We should have broken up then but it was convenient for us to be together, and it ruined our beautiful love story. But instead of a beautiful love story we could have had we gave each other something better. So I’ll start off by saying this; I am sorry I broke your heart but I am not sorry for everything else.
I taught you that hugs were a necessity, not just for me but for everyone you cared about. I taught you that you weren’t just living life just because you got up everyday and did what you were suppose to do. I taught you that tears weren’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of trust. I taught you that people who treat you like shit needed to be confronted and not tolerated. I taught you to be close to your family because you were so lucky to have them all in one place. I taught you how to be passionate for things that you wanted. I taught you love. Because before me love to you was just a word, and love to me it was (it is) a feeling and an action. But most importantly I taught you how to feel.
I know I did all these things for you because at one point in our relationship you would hug me for no reason at all. Sometimes (not all the time) you would even do something spontaneous that wasn’t a part of the plan. At one point when things got rough you even cried in front me. You got rid of people who treated you terribly and you started caring about mother’s day and father’s day so much that you even bought them cards. You were passionate about me, you loved me, and you felt for me more then most people I know.
As much as I wish you could be the “one” like I thought you were when I was seventeen, the 20-year-old me knows that we were only meant to spend a brief moment in each other’s lives. The girl that gets to spend the rest of her life with you is so lucky and I won’t be jealous at all because I know I’ll be a part of something that will make you much happier than I ever could. I know you don’t believe me right now or even care to listen to what I have to say. I just hope when you meet the real “one” that you share all your stories, hug her, laugh with her, love her fiercely, and do all the things we didn’t get to do. You’ll get that feeling around her that you had with me only this time it will be stronger and deeper. She will make you happy again just like the way you showed me I could be happy again.
Don’t look for her she is coming. She’ll be the best thing that ever happens to you. And you’ll never let her go.
PS. I almost forgot to give you some credit. Thanks for teaching me I am capable of being loved. Because of you I know I am worth it.