Stop Online Dating And Start Dating Online

Online dating, am I right? Oh my God, I’m as sick of and over it as you are. How did so many of my friends meet their spouses in this hellscape? I think Dr. Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters sums up the dilemma nicely:

“For whatever reasons, Ray, call it… fate, call it luck, call it karma, I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown outta this dump.”

And by kicked out, I mean voluntarily walked away. Those of us who’ve wasted enough of our time on dating apps with little to no luck having great dates let alone finding the love of our lives need a new platform to find that special someone on. And it’s been staring us in the face the whole time.

It’s the internet!

What?!

I know, right? I mean, it’s literally staring you in the face.

You’ve met tons of great people online. You’ve met me and I’m pretty swell. You’ve met other authors here, friends of friends who are now your friends via Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, right? Without even trying. You can find your next romantic partner the same way.

I met my first boyfriend on a band’s online bulletin board. I wasn’t looking for love, I was looking to find out what was going on with this band. I never expected to find anything but tour dates and merch information.

But there we all were in the forums, talking about the band and their music, other bands we liked, where we lived… our favorite sandwiches, movie quotes and guacamole recipes. We were just a group of people being ourselves, getting to know each other, making each other laugh, having deep conversations, and being fun and silly.

And in this casual, comfortable, no pressure atmosphere of sharing stories and dreams and hilarity, my first boyfriend and I found each other. It was pure, unforced, and organic. Almost exactly like it would be if we were part of the same friend group that hung out together in real life. Not almost, exactly.

I also met my future second boyfriend at the same time on that same board. While those relationships weren’t forever for me, many people met their spouses through the love of this band and 20 years later we’re all still close friends all because we decided to join their online community.

The next future ex Mrs. You is out there online, just maybe not on a dating app.

It may take more time to find that connection than you want it to. Too bad. Real connections aren’t forged over one date. Online dating has got us all twisted into thinking we can have the person of our dreams RIGHT NOW! JUST SWIPE HERE! HURRY!

But guess what? It hasn’t worked out that way for us. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. Like Venkman said, there’s something different out there for us.

Join your favorite band’s online community. Join your favorite true crime podcast’s Facebook group. Whatever your interest or hobby is, find that like minded group of people online and join them. Chat, laugh, plot, plan, meet up.

That was the whole point of MeetUp.com. You can find your tribe online and then pull it into the real world.

Ever ask yourself, “How do I make friends as an adult?” This is how. Ever wonder, “If online dating isn’t working then how am I going to meet the next love of my life?” This is how.

It’s the easiest, most effortless way for a great relationship to fall into your lap. Why? Because it isn’t your focus. You’re there to talk music or murder or margaritas. Or a tasty combo of all three.

You’re automatically surrounded by people who are into the same subject or hobby you are. Those are the best kind of people to make friends with and date. And there’s no pressure! That’s really the key to success.

The more comfortable you feel being your true self, the better chance you have of attracting the most compatible partner. So, join a forum, join a group, make some new friends, and find your soulmate the way God intended: online.

This article was originally published on PS I Love You. Relationships Now.