If you and your partner aren’t compatible, and all the love in the world will never change that.
No one’s at fault, you just aren’t a matching pair. A size 10 shoe doesn’t belong with a size 6. They don’t match, and neither of them are wrong for being that size.
Your goals don’t make you undatable. You’ve just chosen needy, clingy, insecure partners who expect far too much and need too much validation. The kind of partner who has no life and expects you to be their world, yet doesn’t really support you, and then punishes you for not living up to their unrealistic expectations.
That’s not how all relationships are, that’s how THAT relationship was with THAT person.
Or you discovered they have a drinking or drug problem, no ambition, or a backyard full of dead bodies.
No one is an asshole for wanting what they want, not even the needy, clingy, insecure assholes. (except the serial killer, probably) You just have to find the asshole who wants what YOU want and let the others go.
Accept everyone exactly as they are, right here and now. If that composite doesn’t match with your values, interests, desires or goals, then walk away. Next!
There is no value in “potential”, and people WILL NOT change for anyone but themselves. And even then, chances are slim. Cash-out and find another table.
Self-improvement is the greatest dating advice out there. The more work you put into bettering yourself and following your own path, the closer you’ll get to finding the right person.
There’s a match out there for you. In fact, there are many matches out there for you. If you’re looking for a dragon, the dog isn’t an asshole because he’s not what you’re looking for. He’s simply not a dragon. Keep looking.