The thing that I’ve learned from this whole experience is that if something feels off or wrong, it is off or wrong. I’d like to thank you for the life lesson, but you didn’t need to deliver it so carelessly.
The funny thing about life is that we all think nothing bad can happen to us. Bad things happen to other people. Funny enough, you and I knew someone who went through a similar situation to ours. When you see someone go through something so horrible and mind blowing, you feel bad, but are secretly grateful you aren’t them.
I thought I was safe. I thought you could never hurt me like that. The honesty between us was something I prided myself on. I look back now and laugh at myself. You had been lying to me for almost ten years. How could I be so blind?
Its easy, though, to lie, even to yourself. You should know that better than anyone. You lie to everyone. I heard lies about your relationships with family and friends, your job, your education, and countless other things. You lied about your relationship with your son and his mother. You lied about smoking. You lied about that thirteen year old girl. Thirteen.
I lied to myself. You were hiding things. I could feel it. You held on to your phone like it had all the secrets to the universe. You were drunk when I came home for lunch the day before you were arrested, even though you said you weren’t. You acted as though you loved me when you were using me to feel better about yourself.
I should have left after seeing those text messages that you shrugged off as being from “some random person”. I should have left after we started fighting about honesty. I should have left when I caught you lying about where you were working to your friends back home. I should have said no when you asked me to marry you.
Hindsight is an amazing thing. But here’s the deal: I want to thank you.
Thank you for teaching me that bad things can happen to good people. Thank you for showing me how strong and resilient I am. Thank you for showing me how amazing my family is. They dropped everything to be there for me and supported me while I was in denial about the situation.
Thank you for allowing me to move on from our relationship and meet a man who truly does care about me. We are planning for a future that seems more safe and secure than being with you ever did. He has been more supportive and encouraging than I could have ever hoped for.
I hope you get the help you need and the time to reflect upon your life and all the bad decisions you’ve made. I also hope that girl, that thirteen year old girl, can move past all this and see you for what you truly are: weak and sick. I hope your son grows up with a good man in his life. Someone who will love him and teach him. He deserves that. So does his mom, who, by the way, is a lovely person despite your description of her. I’m glad I’ve got the chance to know her.
Thank you again for the opportunity to have a good life and for leading me to a path worth choosing.