When Your Ex Moves On Before You Do

Dan Gold

We knew this day would come. And as hard and terrible as breakups are, it’s the realization that it’s really over when he moved on that’s the hardest part to come to terms with. You knew you wouldn’t be relevant forever, that eventually somebody’s feelings would mean more to him than your own, but you weren’t ready for that day to be today. Before you had moved on, too. You didn’t think you’d still be here holding on, still caring.

So maybe at first you downplay their relationship. It can’t mean as much as yours did. They won’t share the laughs and the memories that you two had, you had something special.

And maybe you did, maybe he is the guy that changed your perspective on love and life and taught you lessons you didn’t know you needed to learn. He was the last thing you thought about at night, filled your head with the perfect dreams that made it hard to get out of bed and face the world… for a while. But you know it didn’t stay that way forever. You know there were reasons you didn’t work out. And although you’re only focused on the positives right now, there were plenty of negatives. You may have had something special, something so unique it cannot be remade, but then again, maybe it shouldn’t be.

You know that he won’t ask you how you feel about his new relationship, he won’t check and see if you’re okay. You know that if he’s the decent guy you’ve always thought he was; he’d put her feelings first. But it’s you, you thought you’d always be the exception to any rule he ever made. And that’s what hurts, she is now the rule and exception. She took the place you once stood, and that’s what makes you insecure, what you thought was your territory, you have now become a trespasser in.

Eventually you’ll acknowledge that this girl is not a different version of you, but rather a completely new relationship for him. She didn’t take your place, she made her own. Their memories won’t be the same as the one you two share, that meant so much to the both of you. You can hold on to those, they can still mean something to you for now. And right now you hope they still mean something to him, you know it’s natural to still want to matter. But you realize that these memories weren’t enough to keep him from moving on. That despite what you two once had and shared is now over, he found a way to be happy, without you. And that stings now, but you take solace in knowing it’s possible to feel that way.

So for now you just feel. A little jealous, pretty sad, occasionally happy and nostalgic, overall: everything. You feel everything with 100% of our soul, or what you feel like is left of your soul, and who you are, and don’t hold back. No explanation is needed; no reasons need to be found. You feel one thousand different emotions in one thousand different ways, all in the same day. There is no shame in this. This is life. This is moving on. This is where you are. Accept it, it’s not so bad, you won’t be here forever. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Cheap wine enthusiast, and emotional 100% of the time. I’m my best self with chips and queso and a good laugh.

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