This Is Why Your Leaving Really Hurt Her, Even If The Two Of You ‘Weren’t That Serious’

girl in white coat looking through fence
God & Man

Your leaving hurt her because she trusted you. She trusted that you wouldn’t take her love for granted, that you wouldn’t underestimate how hard it was for her to let you in, to take your hand when you offered it, to kiss you back when you kissed her first. She trusted that you’d understand how she’s been hurt before and that you wouldn’t try to hurt her like that again.

She trusted that the things you told her were true, that when you talked about a future together you actually pictured it,

that when you said all of those nice things about her they had meaning behind them,

that when you told her you wanted her in your life you meant it. Your leaving hurt her because it turns out, you didn’t.

You didn’t mean those things you said.

And she knows it’s all a bit dramatic to expect pity or sympathy for being lied to about such nominal claims because she’s familiar with these lies, and she’s heard them all before. She knows what insincerity feels like especially when it comes to love, but the thing is, she didn’t think you were that person.

She thought you were the type of person who only gives love when it’s real. Turns out she was wrong, and maybe that’s why it hurt so bad. Not because you didn’t really love her, but because it was her mistake for ever thinking that you could.

Because for her all love is serious, whether it’s almost love or barely love at all.

If her feelings are involved, it means this relationship is important to her, that whatever the two of you have, whatever the two of you share, matters. When she opens up her life to you, she consequently opens her heart along with it, and when you respond with leaving it sucks. It hurts really, really bad, and it makes her feel like she doesn’t matter, like the love she gave you was not enough.

It makes her feel insufficient in every possible way.

That’s why your leaving hurt, not because she was so deeply infatuated with you, but because you made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for you to stay.

Her pain had less to do with your level of ‘seriousness’ and more to do with feeling like she’s the only reason why you left, and feeling like she’ll always be the reason, no matter who she tries to love.

Your leaving made her fear that she’ll forever be the reason for scaring love away, that no one will ever love her for who she really is because she’s unlovable in every way.

Your leaving made her fear all of these things that hold no truth behind them. She’s not the reason why you left, and she never scared your love away. You were the one who was afraid. You were the one who shut down. You were the one who pushed her love away. You were too scared to experience a love like hers, and it really is your loss. So to the level of your ‘un-seriousness’ I say this, she is meant for a love much greater than yours, and when she finds it, she’ll be brave enough to let it in. TC mark

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

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