1. Sorry I’m on this cleanse where I don’t date douchebags.
2. My father doesn’t allow me to date.
3. I don’t care what your zodiac sign is, our stars will never align.
4. Do you believe in love at first sight? Because I looked at you and immediately stopped.
5. Are you going to buy me another drink because I haven’t had nearly enough alcohol to find you interesting.
6. My boyfriend has that same haircut.
7. These lights aren’t dim enough for me to be attracted to you.
8. You can buy me a drink but you can’t buy yourself a personality.
9. I left my wedding ring at home.
11. I hear what you’re saying, but I just really don’t care
12. (When they compliment you) Oh this is where I’d also say something nice about you, but I really can’t think of anything.
13. You remind me of my father.
14. I don’t know if that’s your breath or your literally talking out of your ass.
15. There’s not a mirror in my pants back off.
16. Does your jaw get sore from talking all that bullshit?
17. Sorry you have the same name as my dog. This isn’t going to work.
18. Did you check your coat at the door because I think you left your personality in the front pocket.
19. Sorry I don’t speak moron.
20. (Talk about marrying them).
21. (Talk about how many children they want).
22. (When they ask to buy you a drink) I’ll buy you a drink if you leave me alone.
23. Me not giving you my number is not my way of asking for yours.
24. I would’ve thought by now you’d have said something interesting.
25. Sorry I’m going through an existential crisis and don’t have enough mental clarity to date.
26. You look a lot like my brother.
27. You don’t get out much do you?
28. How slowly do I have to speak for you to understand that I’m not interested?
29. My dog has the same sweater.
30. I have a lot of daddy issues.
31. My baby nephew has the same sweater.
32. Your stomach must hurt from being so full of shit.
33. Sorry I’m going to go find the bathroom and then get lost.
34. Has that pickup line worked for you before?
35. Do you believe in soul mates? I don’t think we’re each other’s.
36. There’s nothing not wrong with you.
37. I’m trying to keep my new year’s resolution. It’s to not date assholes.
38. You remind me of my dead dog.
39. I dabble in poetry. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I can’t come up with a rhyme that explains I’m not into you.
40. My horoscope told me I’d meet a loser this month.