I’m done with comparing. I’m done seeing her body and instantly recognizing every way it’s unlike my own. The way her waist appears so tiny and her breasts so large, the way her perfect hourglass figure fits in all of her cute expensive clothes just like the models we’re practically educated to look like, the ones our lives are bombarded by, feeling constantly pressured to change ourselves to look more like them. Crunch like this so you can have her abs, contour your face like this so you can have her cheek bones, wear this lip gloss so you can have her pout.
What if I just want to feel okay being me? What if I’m done feeling like my body isn’t good enough, like my cheek bones aren’t high enough, and my lips are too thin?
What if I’m done with looking in the mirror seeing only the things about myself I have to change, and listening to the voice that tells me I MUST change them? What if I’m done with not feeling good enough?
I’m done with feeling slightly mediocre on a good day, and completely pathetic on the bad ones. I’m done thinking my life only means something if I accomplish this specific thing at this specific age. I’m done thinking just because someone else did, I should too. I’m done thinking that I should be planning a wedding, or nursing a new born just because she already has. I’m done with feeling like the point in my life I’m currently at is not where I’m supposed to be. I’m done with letting other people’s benchmarks pressure me into thinking I have to reach them, and soon.
I’m done with thinking I have to convince someone to love me. I’m done with endlessly trying to persuade them that I’m worth it, that the person I am is worthy of love. I’m done with having to convince myself of the same thing. I’m done with accepting love that is less than I deserve, and I’m done with thinking that they’ll change and suddenly be willing to give it to me.
I’m done with putting my dreams on hold. I’m done with not giving them a solid effort just because I think I’ll never reach them, or because someone doubted me along the way. I’m done with not giving them a chance, with thinking that I’m not talented enough to ever make them happen. I’m done with thinking that my dreams are something I’m not good enough to make reality.
I’m done with seeking approval. I’m done with infinitely wondering if this person likes me, or if the reason they don’t is because I said the wrong thing. I’m done with trying to make people like me who just don’t. I’m done with feeling like the person that I am, my quirks, my flaws, my overall personality, has to be for everyone. I’m done feeling like my choices, my opinions, the way I live my life has to be approved by people I barely even know let alone really care about.
I’m done with all of these things. I’m done with not feeling good enough. This year and every year.