You Can’t Expect Love To Tell You Who You Are

blonde woman in front of taxi
God & Man

It’s wonderful to love someone and have them love you in return, but even the love of your life can’t define who you are. That’s on you.

Know who you are without him. Know what motivates you, what fills you with passion and energy. Know what wakes you up each morning other than his text message. Know your dreams and aspirations, and know the determination it takes to obtain them. Know who you are without him, because even if you love him, you’re not his and he’s not yours. You’re your own person, and so is he. You can’t expect his love to make you whole. You can’t expect his love to give you all the answers.

You can’t expect love to tell you who you are.

You can expect it to help you, to be there for you when you just need to cry or scream or feel overwhelmed without hiding it. You can expect love to guide you, to make you see things in a way you never saw them before. You can expect it to make your mind more open, but you can’t expect it to make decisions for you. You can’t expect love to get you to the finish. You can’t expect it to choose which way to go, or to let you know how to get there. You have to make those choices, you have to move yourself along your own journey. You can’t look to him and his love to give you purpose.

His love is an addition to your life, it’s not the foundation. His love does not define who you are, it doesn’t transform you magically into a new person. Love will guide you, yes. It will inspire you, yes, but it won’t do the things that you need to do yourself. It won’t fix your problems, or suddenly give your life meaning, and it certainly won’t take responsibility for your mistakes.

Love can help, but it won’t heal the wounds that were there before this love existed. Love is just the aspirin that numbs the pain. It will make you feel better, but it doesn’t make the wound go away. Sometimes you need to heal yourself. Sometimes you need to look within for answers because sometimes love can’t give them to you.

You can’t expect love to do all the work. You can’t expect it to tell you who you are. TC mark

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather

Let go now

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