1. You can only go out one night per weekend. It’s either Friday night or Saturday night, never both.
2. If you do go out more than one night per weekend you need basically the entire week to recover.
3. You refer to anyone ages 20-23 as babies even though you’re only like 2 or 3 years older than them.
4. You start to wash your face before bed instead of sleeping with all of your makeup on.
5. You start to use anti-aging beauty products and you ALWAYS moisturize.
6. You start to pick up hobbies instead of just like drinking on weekends.
7. You feel like you have to start eating healthier because of that dreaded thing you hear about called metabolism.
8. You begin to make decisions that actually favor your health. Like not going out and drinking til 4 am when you just got over the flu.
9. You begin to buy things that will help your “well-being” like 14 different essential oils and a diffuser to make your entire apartment smell like a lavender field. “It’s soothing,” you tell your mom when she sees your purchases in her Amazon cart.
10. Your facebook newsfeed slowly transitions from girls in short dresses to girls in wedding dresses.
11. Everyone’s getting engaged.
12. All the magnets on your fridge are currently being used for Save The Date cards.
13. You can no longer use “I just graduated” as an excuse for being unemployed.
14. You have to think about how many years ago you graduated, because it’s greater than 3.
15. You don’t know the current slang kids are using nowadays, and if you do know it, you don’t feel cool enough to say it. The word lit doesn’t roll of your tongue like it does a 21 year old’s.
16. You feel like you age yourself 10 years when you say things like “the slang kids are using nowadays.”
17. You care less about looking good and more about comfort. Flats don’t make your ass look as good as heels but you DO NOT CARE.
18. You say things like I can’t ______ the way I used to.
19. You look at old photos and say things like “those were the days.”
20. You reserve a night to yourself each weekend for doing absolutely nothing.
21. You’ve already seen basically everything on Netflix.
22. You begin to purchase things that clean your living space, like a vacuum, because you realize you can’t live the way your dirty self did in college.
23. You realize how expensive things that clean your living space are. That vacuum costs almost as much as your month’s rent.
24. You think of everything in terms of how you’ll pay your rent. And then you slowly put that faux fur coat you really don’t need back on the rack.
25. You think about being older and say things like “OMG I don’t want to ever be 26” when really it’s only one year older than you currently are.
26. You’d rather buy an 8 dollar bottle of wine, go home, and drink it by yourself, than spend 18 dollars on a cocktail at a dimly lit restaurant that has basically no alcohol in it and tastes like a flower garden.
27. You enjoy going furniture shopping. Every living space needs a good accent chair.
28. You start saving for retirement. Especially if your job has plans that will literally do it for you.