8 Not So Great Things You’re Doing In Your Relationship Because You’re Insecure (Whether You Want To Admit It Or Not)

God & Man

1. Snooping

No one likes a snoop, but if you do find yourself scanning through their texts, snaps, or any other areas your partner deserves privacy, it’s because you think they’re doing something they shouldn’t be.  If your partner has earned your trust, the only reason you’d be snooping through their personal matters is because you’re insecure. Don’t let your insecurities convince you whether or not your partner is being faithful. Communicate. Peaking at their texts while they’re in the shower is not communication. If you think they’re up to something weird, just ask.

2. Flipping out for no apparent reason.

Sometimes insecurities make you do crazy things, like flip out for no reason. Insecurities have a way of messing with your emotions that not even you yourself will understand, like when your boyfriend tells you his stomach hurts, and you immediately start crying because you think he’s not attracted to you anymore. Hopefully you’ll wake up the next morning and realize that you were being completely irrational. You know what they say about hind sight.

3. You’re reluctant to apologize.

Similar to how your insecurities make you irrationally flip out, they also make you reluctant to apologize afterwards. Even when you know you were being completely unreasonable, your insecurity creeps back in and tells you that your feelings are justified. You do have a right to feel the way you feel, feelings aren’t wrong, but your partner doesn’t always deserve the actions (and accusations) that come with them. If your insecurities were the cause of the problem, most of the time an apology is needed and appreciated.

4. Questioning friendships.

Thinking that person who’s ‘just a friend’ is more than just a friend is probably your insecurity talking. It’s a good thing your partner has friends, when you start worrying that they’re secretly attracted to them, and want to have sex with them, that’s not a good thing. The trust should be there, and if it truly is, you won’t have to worry about your significant other wanting to sleep with the girl or guy they’ve known for basically ever.

5. Wondering if your partner wishes you were more like the celebrity he/she said was really hot.

Your partner (hopefully) loves you for you. Just because they admired Sofia Vergara’s extremely large breasts, doesn’t mean they wish you had them. Your partner (hopefully) loves every little thing about you, and (hopefully) will love you even if and when your outward appearance changes. We all have our own superficial insecurities, but you don’t need to wonder whether your flat chest or thick thighs (or anything about your appearance) is a problem for the person who claims to love you.

6. Wondering if your partner wishes you were different in any way.

Smarter, prettier, richer, more successful, more athletic, whatever it is that you think you’re not, wondering if your partner wishes you were, is not a good feeling, and can basically eat your relationship alive. Maybe you wish you were more of all of those things, but you shouldn’t have to wonder if your partner wishes that too. Real love doesn’t wish you were more of this or more of that. Real love accepts the way you are, and makes you better.

7. Constantly looking for affirmations.

We all like a compliment here and there, and when you love someone it’s natural to admire everything that made you love them in the first place, but NEEDING affirmations is different than appreciating them. When you feel like you NEED constant affirmations it’s usually because you aren’t getting enough to make you feel comfortable or certain that the love in your relationship is real. You’re telling yourself that this is because of your partner, because they’re not giving you enough in the relationship to make you feel truly loved, but sometimes you have to step back and ask yourself is it them not giving me enough love, or my insecurities convincing me that I need more. You know the love you deserve. If you’re not getting it, leave. But be aware that insecurity has a way of sabotaging everything love is.

8. Asking if they love you.

Your insecurity tries to convince you that your partner doesn’t love you. Your insecurity tries to convince you of a lot of things, but you shouldn’t have to ask if your partner loves you. If they do, you’ll know. TC mark

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather

Let go now

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