You think about how much time you wasted with him. How many hours, days, weeks, months you spent even getting to know him, learning his likes and dislikes, his hobbies and his interests, his favorite movies and books. You remember walking down your street together holding hands, how he kissed you for the first time and his lips tasted like the bottle of wine you opened earlier.
You think about the times he made you laugh, and you remember the corny jokes he told you to make that laugh continue. You remember the way he looked at you and told you you were too good to be true…until you weren’t. Until the laughter turned into tears you forced yourself to hold back, and the walks down streets with fingers intertwined existed only in your memory. You remember all of the things he did that made you fall for him, and you regret every step you took towards that stumble.
You regret going to that one place, that one night, when and where you first met him. You regret smiling after he asked you your name and you regret letting him into your life every moment after that. You regret the game you felt he played and you regret being the strategy you felt he used.
But you weren’t a game he intended to play nor a strategy he intended to use, you were the girl he didn’t give a chance. Because there’s so much of you he left too soon to discover. He didn’t learn the type of kindness you unknowingly show to those you love and to those you don’t. He didn’t learn your thirst for life or the way that learning something new invigorates you. He didn’t learn the reasons you’ve become the person you are today, why you act the way you do, why you are the way you are. He didn’t know any of this. He didn’t know you.
And you didn’t truly know him either. Because looking back, the only things you truly knew about each other were little excerpts of one another’s lives. You were like the tiny blurbs on someone’s dating profile, a brief sentence or excerpt you create to try to convince someone to love you. But you shouldn’t have to convince someone to love you, they simply should.
So when your memories turn to regret remember this. Remember him, and the brief part of your life that you knew him, and then remember all of the things you didn’t know about him, all of the things he didn’t know about you. Remember the parts of yourself that he never had the pleasure of experiencing because he left too soon. Remember that you’ll find someone who stays around long enough to really learn who you are before making any judgments on the kind of love that you deserve. Because you could’ve said it before he did, you could’ve been the one to tell him that you deserve better, because you know you do.
Don’t regret ever falling for him. Don’t regret the time you spent with him, the time you spent getting over him. Accept that it’s over not just because you learned from this failure of a thing you think was a relationship, but because sometimes that’s the way life happens.
Because falling for the wrong person gives you the opportunity to get back up and try again, and regret prevents you from doing just that. Regret weighs you down. Don’t regret. Accept. Accept that it happened, and accept that it’s over. Let acceptance be the one thing that picks you up and potentially allows you to fall again.