What is it that you’re holding onto?
Is it the way he said your name when he told you that he loved you, or is it the way he looked at you when he told you goodbye? Is it the way he first met you as if he had to have you, had to make you his, or is it the way he left you so easily as if you never really mattered?
What is it that you’re holding onto that won’t allow you to let go?
You can’t let go of him just like you can’t let go of the person you were when you were with him. But he’s gone now, and when he left, he didn’t just leave you, he left the two of you together, he left the ‘us’ behind. And the ‘us’ became I for the both of you.
And the I that you suddenly, maybe unexpectedly, found yourself with felt incomplete, and that scared you. Because you felt like you no longer knew yourself. You felt like you no longer knew who you were without him. And while uncertainty made you feel stuck, made you feel that every choice was the wrong one, you need to realize that you won’t be able to tell if you’re making the wrong decision until after you’ve made it.
Don’t be afraid to move forward. Don’t be afraid to try.
Don’t be afraid of who you are without him, and don’t hold onto the person you were when you were with him. Because time will pass and new love might not immediately happen, new love won’t immediately happen. New love will feel like it’s everywhere you are not, and no matter how hard you go looking for it, you most likely won’t find it. Because when you try to find someone who cares about you in attempt to forget someone who used to, you’ll only find people to fill in the gaps. And when the gaps reveal themselves again you’ll realize it’s you that needs to fill them, not anyone else.
Because you need some time to figure out the ‘I’ before you find another ‘us.’ Because the way to move on from how he hurt you isn’t to find someone new, it’s to become comfortable with yourself. To be able to learn what it is you love, other than a person.
And at first you might feel lonely, or unwanted, maybe even underserving, but as soon as you become less scared of independence you’ll begin to understand yourself a little better. You’ll begin to become someone else without him. You’ll let him go when you become your own person.