She Was Afraid She’d Break His Heart Because She Was Still Putting Hers Back Together


She looked at him and knew he’d never hurt her, knew he’d never leave her unexpectedly, or break her heart like it had been broken before. And although she was completely secure in the way he felt about her, the way he looked at her and couldn’t help but smile, the way he consistently made her feel loved, the way he made her feel that he was there to stay, she began to see all of these things that he gave so easily to her, and wondered what it was she was giving to him in return.

She began to doubt the love she had to give because of the love that she was shown, because he showed her love that was more than enough, love that was strong and certain, love that was authentic and real. He showed her remarkable love, and that’s the kind of love she’d never been shown. And this remarkable love is everything she was afraid of. She was afraid of finding someone who trusted her with their heart, someone who put his heart in her hands and expected her to hold it.

Because she was so used to being the one to give her heart away, she was used to being the one who was scared of being hurt. And now that she finally found someone who she knew would never hurt her, she was scared of the fact that she could possibly hurt him. She was afraid to break his heart because hers was still being put back together.

And she wasn’t sure if her heart would ever truly be whole, because the last time it was broken she realized her heart isn’t something that needs to be fixed, because each time someone would hurt or disappoint her, she left a little part of herself behind. She left a part of her heart with the people who hurt it. But she realized that’s okay.

It’s okay to scatter pieces of your heart with temporary people, temporary places, temporary things and circumstances, because the more places your heart has been scattered the more love you’ve proven you can give. And now he was leaving a part of his heart with her, a part that she hadn’t yet damaged, a part that he knew she would keep, and she would. Because even if she did hurt him, even if she dropped the heart he trusted her to hold, she knew the love they’d leave behind would still be remarkable.

And every time he said the words, “I love you,” she’d say it back with no questions asked, no chord of doubt or waver in her voice, because she knew that she loved him, and she knew that her love was dependable, but whether or not someone would get hurt along the way was something she’d never truly know.

She knows when it comes to love ‘hurt’ is something that’s never intended, and heartbreak is something she’ll continue to be afraid of, for both herself and for him, but the fact that she’s afraid to break his heart shows just how hard she’ll try to never let it happen. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

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