1. Being left.
We’re scared of being left because we’re scared to be alone, but the time you spend alone is something worth cherishing because instead of endlessly attempting to learn about someone else, you finally have the time to learn about yourself, and for some people that’s terrifying. But a big part of love is learning that we have no control over who walks in or out of our lives, we only have control over what happens when they do. So even if they leave you, your ability to find love within yourself will allow you to share it with someone who not only deserves it, but never takes it for granted.
2. Letting someone in.
If you never let them in, they’ll only see you from a distance. They will hear your words, but they won’t feel them. They will see your actions, but they won’t know the meaning behind them. And life might seem easier this way, because if you don’t give someone parts of yourself that only you’re familiar with, you don’t give them the opportunity to walk away and leave you with less than what you started. You won’t give them the opportunity to judge your insecurities, but their judgement isn’t something you should be afraid of because chances are you’re being harder on yourself than they would ever be.
How are you supposed to know when ‘I love you’ means more than a simple salutation? And how are you supposed to know when words are meant rather than just said? We can’t foresee whether ‘I’ll love you forever,’ will last as long as promised, but we can trust that real love wouldn’t lie or deceive, and real love can make mistakes and most certainly will, but if you’re as honest with yourself as you are with those you love, you’ll understand that honesty isn’t necessarily keeping a promise, it’s accepting when you know a promise will be broken, and openly communicating why.
4. Wasting time with someone who’s ‘wrong’ for you.
Time is one thing we fear with love because we look at the days, months, years, or decades spent with someone whose love didn’t last as long as planned, and we wish we could have that time back so that we could spend it with someone whose love does last. And then we can’t help but wonder how long it will take to find someone else who will somehow love us in return, but we think in terms of timing that doesn’t necessarily make sense. It doesn’t matter if you’re 27 or 77, the time you spend sharing your heart and your life with someone isn’t a waste simply because of an undesired outcome, it’s a waste if you’re too afraid to ever share your life at all.
5. Letting go.
Sometimes we hang onto people we know we shouldn’t. Sometimes it’s because we can’t let go. Sometimes it’s because we choose not to. And sometimes we confuse the difference between the two. You’re not incapable of letting go, you simply fear what might happen if you do. You’re holding onto something that isn’t working, in hopes that maybe it will, but eventually your own happiness will outweigh the fear of being alone.
6. Moving on.
Once you get over the fear of letting go, you have to face the fear of moving on. As hard as it is to get over something that’s been lost, it’s equally as hard to have the courage to find something even better. One part of you thinks you never will, another part of you tries to tell yourself that’s okay, and the smallest part of you still hopes that you’ll find love again.
7. Second chances.
We’re scared to give second chances because the pain we already felt, could possibly hurt us all over again, and we survived the first time, but we’re scared we won’t survive the second. And then there’s not knowing whether the second chance will be worth it, whether the changes you both have gone through have not only made you ready to try again, but have made you both more compatible than you were before. And no matter what the other person does, says, or feels, you’re the only person who can convince yourself whether or not the second chance is worth taking.
8. Losing the spark.
It’s not always the loss of love we’re most afraid of, but the loss of lust, of absolute infatuation, and the bliss of the beginning. Because once we lose the spark, we become bored, and when we become bored we look for something else, and when that something else begins to fill the space where sparks no longer exist, we forget what caused the sparks to ignite in the first place. But if we remember that the spark is something we created, then we can learn how to make it happen again.
9. Someone won’t accept your flaws, and will leave when they discover them.
We’re scared to let others see our imperfections only because we’re scared we won’t live up to their expectations, but love isn’t about making sure every expectation has been met, it’s about learning how to adapt when they’re not. Perfection doesn’t have to be your aspiration, aspire to find someone who understands that ‘perfect’ is something you’ll never be.