I Haven’t Thought About You In A While

Twenty20 / cburtonsiller
Twenty20 / cburtonsiller

It took a long time for me to leave the thought of you behind. It was an effort, not an occurrence. But I shouldn’t have to try to forget you, because that means you’re still very much remembered.

I remember you because you’re gone, and I think of you because of the way you left.

But when I think of you, it doesn’t mean I’m holding on; it means I’m retracing my steps. And when I try to fit my feet back in the footprints that I left when I was with you, I can’t. Because we’re both pointing in different directions. And every time I try to go back I end up in the same place. Here. Because retracing you is like tracing a circle, I’m not sure if I ended where I started, so I’ll just keep going, but I can’t begin to draw another shape unless I lift the pen.

And each time you cross my mind the doubt crosses with it. What could I have done differently? How could I have convinced you stay? But it wasn’t you who needed convincing, it was me, because I hadn’t convinced myself that this was something I deserved.

But from every mistake there’s a lesson learned, and you have been quite the teacher. Because when I was with you I felt whole, and when you left I felt depleted, but now I realize needing someone else to make you full only leaves you empty.

So now that you’re gone I find other ways to fill my time, other thoughts to fill my head. But every once in a while you creep back in. And when that happens I think about how long it’s been since I thought of you before, and each time the gap widens. So will there ever come a time when I don’t think of you at all? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

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