9 Things That Happen To Your Love Life When You’re Used To Dating Jerks (And How To Snap Out Of It)

Twenty20 / DannyReed
Twenty20 / DannyReed

1. You expect all guys to screw you over.

You’ve become immune to ghosting, and not because it’s Halloween. So many guys have treated you poorly, that it’s becoming your new normal. Don’t let one, or two, or three, or how ever many jerks you’ve dated in the past ruin your expectations for the future. Just because those men screwed you over, doesn’t mean all men will, and it certainly doesn’t mean that’s acceptable behavior. You deserve the best; don’t settle for one more jerk until you find it!

2. You become chronically pessimistic about love.

Believing in love is like believing in the tooth fairy, and that’s what you constantly tell your friends and family. You feel like love is hopeless mainly because your love life has been just that. Chronic pessimism is a side effect of dating one too many jerks, but try to keep your glass half full, not empty. A positive attitude can change so much more than your mood. Your positivity will attract positive people, and your negativity might just be what’s attracting those jerks. You deserve love, and you need to start acting like it. Even if you don’t believe in the four letter word, you deserve more than what you’re currently getting.

3. You question guys who treat you right.

He’s intelligent, kind, and respectful. What’s the catch? What’s wrong with him? There is no catch, he’s a gentleman, not a jerk. Your uncertainty stems from your past, but don’t allow that to affect your potential relationship with him.

4. You’ve said you’ll never date again at least once.

Every time the next jerk settles into his natural jerk habitat and disappears just as quickly, you wave your white flag and surrender to the dating world…until about 3 weeks later when you’re horny, lonely, and maybe intoxicated. When you tell yourself you’ll never date again, it not only sounds hopeless, it makes you feel hopeless, which then leads you to land in the next lap of some other jerk. Don’t let your “I’ll never date again,” soliloquy lead to self-pity, and a whole bunch of other self-things that aren’t healthy for your…self. When you experience a bad date, consider yourself a survivor and get back out there.

5. You’ve said you hate men (or boys) at least once.

Another grand monologue your friends have definitely heard from you. No one blames you for swearing off their species after all the hell they’ve put you through, but don’t let one guy ruin it for all of them. Hopefully you’ll find the ripe one of the bunch soon.

6. You like to keep things ‘casual.’

You don’t necessarily enjoy “casual” relationships, but you don’t want to admit any real feelings because you know they’ll stomp all over them in the end. This is your chronic pessimism playing hide and seek, and once again you’re self-sabotaging. Don’t pretend like you have no feelings simply because you’re scared of feeling them. Let your guard down because it takes far more energy to keep it up.

7. You’re used to red flags so they become less threatening.

The narcissism, the carelessness, the inconsideration, they are all red flags you’re quite familiar with, but what’s one more narcissistic asshole after you’ve dealt with the last three? Just because you’ve seen and handled these red flags numerous times before doesn’t mean you should ignore them when they make another entrance. If you’re telling yourself that Jerk B’s disrespect isn’t as bad as Jerk A’s from a couple months ago, there’s something wrong. You shouldn’t be comparing which guy’s negative qualities are worse, you should be with someone who doesn’t have those negative qualities at all.

8. You think about going back to exes (or past flings) who have already treated you poorly.

When you’re lonely, the jerks from your past become your potential present. Keep them in the past because your loneliness is temporary. Surround yourself with people who care about you and that unwanted solitude will begin to cure itself. Reverting back to previous flings who have already screwed you over will leave you feeling lonelier than before.

9. You think the next guy can’t be worse than the last.

This is pessimistic optimism at its best, yes a complete oxymoron, but true nonetheless. This is a ‘no loss’ mentality, and since you’re a professional when it comes to dating jerks, you really do have nothing to lose. TC mark

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather

Let go now

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  • http://gisellepr.wordpress.com GiselleAvenue

    Much needed friendly reminder…

  • http://indepthwoman.wordpress.com indepthwoman

    Wow, you must be reading my mind! This article is on point!

  • http://cinemareview.wordpress.com Daniela Brunoni

    My romantic life in a post. Omg

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