1. You quickly learn you can’t drink like you used to. College as an undergrad was full of keg stands and beer pong, and you managed to keep up for a solid four years, but as the second digit of your twenty something continues to increase, your drinking ability does not increase with it. When you revisit college sip cautiously.
2. You start to think about your love life in terms of cohabitation, marriage, or family. When you were in college you worried about how you’d walk home in the morning wearing the same clothes you went out in last night, and how to avoid people asking you questions along the way. After your years of dormitory one night stands and sleepovers end, you start to question the way your love life is looking. You wonder if you’ll ever find someone you could actually share a life with, whether it be living arrangements, wedding vows, or even offspring. Your one night stands post-graduation start to seem a little more bleak and a little less adventurous.
3. You talk a lot about careers. When you were an undergrad, career talk was like Voldemort, he who must not be named. You knew you’d eventually have to find a career, but talking about it just made you nervous about the uncertain future. Now that you’ve graduated, the main questions you’ll be answering are about your career. “What are you doing? Do you like it?” If you haven’t quite found your way along the windy path they like to call a career, this may be your least favorite part of the evening.
4. You have the desire to buy alumni everything. As an undergrad you purchase everything with your college’s name on it, t-shirts, hoodies, shot glasses, whatever your heart desires, but now that you’ve graduated you can upgrade. You can finally buy that alumni license plate you’ve been eyeing the past four years, and you can sip from an alumni mug while you work in your cubicle. That’s something to be excited about…right?
5. You feel like the sober one at the party…even though you’re more intoxicated than you’ve been in the last 4 months. When you hit the party scene as an alumni you’re surrounded by college kids who are used to doing this every weekend, and often weekdays. When you’re not as wasted as they are, see it as a positive. You don’t want to end up with your head in a toilet by midnight anyway.
6. You need to be refreshed on the rules of drinking games. What are the rules of Flip Cup again? Oh you flip the cup, makes sense. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you forget the basics.
7. You realize there are new drinking games to learn. These kids are so innovative nowadays. You’ve just been taking shots at bars, meanwhile undergrads have been busy creating Beer Pong 2.0.
8. You feel 10 years older than you actually are. Mostly because you think the undergrads look like children. You can’t believe you’re standing next to someone who isn’t old enough to legally drink and then you look next to him and there’s someone who is just old enough to vote. Nobody likes you when you’re 23, I guess.
9. Your introduction is, ‘This is (name). She graduated in (year).’ If that doesn’t make you feel old, I’m sure them asking how the college was different “back then” will.