Working hungover basically means you do no work at all.
1. You arrive to the office late.
You’ll blame public transportation because, “I’m still drunk,” is not a legitimate excuse.
2. You waste the first hour on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.
Your head can’t handle anything that isn’t under 140 characters or a photo right now.
3. You send a “hungover” snapchat.
Your face explains it all, and the awful florescent lighting in your office doesn’t help.
4. You eat whatever free stereotypical hangover food your office offers.
It’s a shame they don’t offer a bacon, egg and cheese on an everything bagel, but you’ll accept a bag of pretzels in the meantime. They will last you until lunch at least.
5. You go to the bathroom more than necessary to kill time.
If you take a bathroom break every hour, and spend about 10 minutes in there each time, that will kill at least an hour total by the end of the day. It’s shocking your brain can handle simple arithmetic at your current state of being, but you’ll do anything to lessen your work day.
6. You go to the bathroom more than necessary because you’re afraid you might vomit.
Going to the bathroom to kill time is a luxury for some, for other people it’s a mere survival tactic to not puke all over their work desk.
7. Lunch is never early enough.
Waiting until noon for lunch when you’re hungover is like waiting for Christmas when it’s only September.
8. You sleep at your desk for the remainder of your lunch break.
If you’re not eating, you’re sleeping.
9. You’re probably wearing at least one item of clothing that you went out in the night before.
All those trips to the bathroom made you realize you’re wearing the same underwear. Hygiene is clearly not top priority when you’re hungover.
10. You ask all of your co-workers for aspirin.
If they don’t have any you become extremely irritable and don’t do them any favors for the rest of the day.
11. One of your co-workers tells you, you smell like booze.
You tell them you recently just bought new cologne/perfume, and you aren’t happy with the scent. Deny, deny, deny.
12. One of your co-workers usually asks if you want to get drinks after work.
You almost throw up just thinking about it. They most likely know your struggling through a massive hangover, and find it comical to make the experience as brutal as possible.
13. You get creative with excuses to leave early.
You have to pick up your little sister from school. Your boss won’t let your 8 year-old sister wait alone, just like your boss won’t have to know you don’t truly have an 8 year-old sister.