1. The Woman Who Treats Her Dog Like Her Boyfriend
Your Chihuahua is not your boyfriend, he is your dog.
2. The Woman Who Speaks in an Extremely High Pitch Voice
Were there helium balloons in the limo? Or does your voice actually sound like that?
3. The Woman With a Child
Oh Bachelor, why must you exploit people’s children for the sake of reality television?
4. The Woman Who Gives “Free Hugs”
But she won’t let go after. You can’t keep holding onto him forever. The other girls are going to “steal him away” eventually.
5. The Woman Who Says She Has Watched the Show Since She was in High School
Which also means she has stalked the sh*t out of the Bachelor before she came on the show.
6. The Woman Who Brings a Prop From Work
Which involves real human organs that she stored in a portable cooler…okay so they were fake organs but the gesture itself is creepy.
7. The Woman Who Tries To Be Different/Stand Out
If everyone else is in a long cocktail dress and you walk out of the limo in daisy duke shorts, you aren’t trying to “be casual or laid back” you are trying to show off your legs and butt.
8. The Woman Who Makes Really Dirty Jokes
Suggesting you already want to sleep with him or let him “plow your field” might be too strong of an approach for the first night, even if you are just kidding.
9. The Woman Who Has a Blank Stare
Are you all right…? Anything going on up there? Oh, wait she said something!
10. The Woman Who Gets Wasted
You’re on The Bachelor, not The Real World. Wrong Show.
11. The Woman Who Says She “Makes Babies Everyday”
Oh…You’re a fertility nurse. Okay, I get it.
12. The Woman Who Found a Rock in the Shape of a Heart
No, not a diamond. A rock. And to make matters worse she gives it to him…Thanks?
13. The Woman Who Tries to be a Secret Admirer
It’s not that big of a secret if you reveal yourself after 20 minutes.
14. The Women Who Show Up Late in the Last Limo
Riiiight…Because that wasn’t already planned by producers.