The Love That Never Grew Is The Love We Must Let Go Of

Flickr - hmoong
Flickr – hmoong

Ever wonder if that certain guy or girl who things never worked out with was Mr. or Mrs. Right? Well stop.

If you spend all your time worrying about the one that got away, you could be glazing over the potential living perfection that is right in front of you. This may sound like one of those cheesy romantic comedy situations. The kind where the main character spends all his time trying to win back his ex when really it is the girl who has been by his side the entire time who is “The One.” But life is not a movie, and it is especially not a romantic comedy. Most of the time we don’t know if we ever will come across “The One,” or “Mr/Mrs. Right,” so it useless to torment yourself wondering if the one that got away is that person.

Remember they’re your ex for a reason

For one reason or another you two broke up. The relationship is over and it ended because you two just weren’t compatible. You might be thinking about all of the good times you miss with your ex, but what about the bad times that made you two break up in the first place? It may sound extremely pessimistic but you are already broken up. You’re not debating whether or not you should break up. So the bad times have clearly already outweighed the good. You’ve thought through this process once already and it lead your relationship to its end. Don’t waste your time thinking through the same process all over again. It doesn’t necessarily matter if he “got away” – what matters is that he is no longer there. And if he isn’t around it is for a reason. To quote The Beatles, let it be.

What if you both have changed?

Maybe years have passed and you and your ex have matured as human beings.You both have spent some time apart and gone through whatever changes life has presented you with. But isn’t a relationship supposed to be about growing TOGETHER? The experiences we live through, good or bad, change us in many ways and it is beautiful when relationships sustain these changes. Often those experiences and changes you experience together are the very foundation of your relationship. So stop questioning whether the person who hasn’t been there could possibly be “The One.” Focus on the person who has been there.

What if they look really good?

You’re walking down the street when you look your worst. No makeup, sweaty pit stains fresh from the gym, sneakers that you forgot to wear socks with, and who do you run into? Your ex of course. Unlike your disheveled appearance, he appears to be looking really good, and by really good I mean better than he ever looked when he was with you. Maybe he’s got some new facial hair, maybe he’s got some new hair on his head, whatever change in his appearance that is making him look great, forget about it! Just like his appearance has changed since you were dating him, his appearance has the ability to change again. Don’t keep thinking about how good your ex looked when you passed them on the street. Try to be happy for their newly shed skin. Their new appearance will attract some other girl or guy that will figure out the same things you figured out when you dated them. Even better, use their new good looks as motivation. If your ex started looking really good then you can start looking really good too. And just remember, no matter how good they look on the outside they are still for the most part the same person on the inside.

They keep calling you

5 missed calls. 4 unread text messages. With the many forms of instant communication nowadays, it is easy for the one that got away to try and be the one that got away and came back. They seem to have realized what they walked out on,
and of course you are top notch, grade A material, but why should you give them the satisfaction of winning that grade A back so easily? If your ex keeps calling you, first see what they want. Chances are they want to “catch up.” But what you probably shouldn’t do is hook up. Again, remember that they are your ex for a reason, and no matter how persistent they are, it is their loss for leaving you behind. So let them know that. Second chances sometimes pay off, but make sure they deserve that second chance before you give it to them. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

Keep up with Nicole on Instagram and Twitter

More From Thought Catalog