Sex Is Great But This Is So Much Harder To Find

Someone who will cover you in a blanket when you finally get to lay down at the end of a long day, who will whisper for you to close your eyes while they play with your hair. Someone who kisses your forehead once they think you’ve fallen asleep.

But also someone who will use you as a pillow lay their head on your chest, and curl up in a ball next to you. Someone who you are so attracted to you’ll find it adorable instead of disgusting if they accidentally drool all over you.

Someone who will pick you up from the airport and makes the return trip a high instead of a comedown. Someone who would never pass on the first possible opportunity to welcome you home with open arms and give you a hug, knowing you’d do the same for them.

But also someone you could travel with anywhere. Someone who wants to walk through a museum with you because it means experiencing something new together. Someone who will remind you to put sunscreen on because they truly don’t want you to get burnt.

Someone you’d actually be excited to take a road trip with, even if it means hours in a car because you’ll be with them. Someone who will let you play your music, and instead of making fun of your guiltiest pleasures, will belt them out right alongside you.

But also someone who isn’t just along for the ride. Someone who has their own direction and interests and personality, but wants to share them all with you. Someone who is going to take the lead and navigate what matters most to them. Someone who will never lose themselves.

Someone who you could be trapped in a room with and never run out of things to talk about. Someone you could tell the most trivial things to – like the one thing you’ve been laughing about all week or how annoying it is when the person next to you is chewing loudly.

But also someone you can share your most personal moments with. The things that hurt the most and you’re embarrassed by; the things you don’t like about yourself. Someone you can answer honestly when they ask “What are you doing?”, knowing they won’t judge you for playing video games in your underwear.

Someone you could sit in absolute silence with. Someone you could lose yourself in a book next to, but still enjoy the sound of their breathing in your peripheral senses. Someone you feel absolutely no need to constantly entertain because they know how to find peace in stillness.

But also someone you want to watch when no one is looking. In the movie theater, at a concert, or a play. So you can discover the little things that capture their attention, that make their eyes light up. Someone whose joy is so contagious you get to experience it second-hand.

Someone who will grab your hand carelessly. Crossing the street, in the car, under the table at dinner. Someone who through the most innocent gesture sends your heart racing because their skin is electric; simply because the two of you are physically touching.

But also someone who slows things down with the same gesture, accompanied by a tender squeeze. A squeeze that says, “I’m here, don’t be scared, it’s going to be okay.” A touch that helps you exhale and breathe. A hold that allows you to let go of all your anxiety and dread.

Someone you would call if you were in the hospital. Someone that if everything around you was wrong, seeing them would still, and always, feel right. Someone you’d let witness feverish sweats and chills, bouts of violent nausea. Someone who you wouldn’t feel bad to be disheveled and unshowered in front of, and instead let soothe whatever is aching with their presence.

But also someone who gives you your space. Who admires how independent you are. Someone who knows you are capable of taking care of yourself. Someone who is always in your corner, but lets you fight your own battles. Someone who knows you don’t need them.

Because they don’t need you either. Because they are equally thrilled that you both want each other anyway. Because you each acknowledge how amazing it feels to share a connection. Because sex is just a series of physical actions, but touching souls is magic. TC mark

Nicole Stawiarski

I am always late. To everything.

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