1. Going to summer camp.
2. Going to summer camp and discovering my arch-nemesis is really my long-lost twin I was never told about and then devising a plan to reunite our divorced parents.
3. Using the phrase, “Well if you ask me, the bouquet is a little too robust for a Merlot, but then again, I’m partial to the softer California grape” in an actual conversation.
4. Going on a series of international vacations with my twin to be romanced by a variety of foreign men.
5. Solving any crime before dinner time with my aforementioned twin.
6. Owning a dog that can teach me about literature, like Wishbone.
7. Listing “Power Ranger” under “Current Occupation” on my resumé.
8. Dating Tommy before he changed his entire wardrobe from green flannel to white flannel.
9. Being an orphan so I can be adopted by an elderly brother and sister who live in a house named Green Gables, carry on a torrid love-hate relationship with my true intellectual equal, who saves me from drowning while reenacting scenes from Tennyson, which I then recite beautifully to an entire town that has learned to love and adore me for my quirky ways.
10. Being an orphan so I can live in a workhouse and walk all the way to London, meet a cute little friend in a top hat who teaches me how to pick-pocket, but avoid going to jail because I’m secretly a wealthy heir.
11. Being an orphan so I can live in a boxcar with my three siblings, hang out at the dump and find a chipped little teacup and saucer that I proceed to drink everything out of.
12. Getting wine drunk and swinging from all the ladders in the library from Beauty and the Beast.
13. Wearing a yellow raincoat, carrying a notebook around, and becoming a spy (read neighborhood voyeur) in order to follow my artistic passion of becoming a writer.
14. Discovering a magical composition book that responds to me when I write in it in felt tip pen, à la Ghostwriter.
15. Usurping Penelope as Amanda Bynes’ number one fan, which is so much funnier as an adult, because even though they spelled it with a ‘y’, her last name was definitely ‘taint.’
16. I would have said ‘dating a guy who lives in a pool house’ but that’s no longer appealing as an adult. Living in a pool house, however, is.
17. Borrowing a pair of Mischa Barton’s Keds.
18. Crawling through claustrophobic, structurally unsound, subterranean tunnels in my neighborhood using a treasure map we found in my friend’s attic while being chased by a thruplet of Italian escaped convicts, before discovering a stash of pirate “rich stuff.”
19. Being a hot librarian who can read hieroglyphics and has great hair, even in the desert, where it is windy as fuck, like Rachel Weisz in The Mummy.
20. Making it to the Temple Run on Legends of the Hidden Temple, and not getting grabbed by a temple guard who pops out at me, because that is fucking terrifying, unless he was like really hot, because they don’t wear a lot of clothing, and then maybe finding out what he’s doing after the show…
21. Finding an acceptable reason to incorporate a tie into my wardrobe, whether because I’m dating a sk8er boi, required to follow the Hogwarts dress code, or just living my life as Serena van der Woodsen.