This Is The Life Lesson You Need To Read Right Now, Based On What Shoes You’re Wearing

Japheth Mast

The Pair You Just Bought And Were So Excited To Wear But Are Now Literally Cutting Up Your Feet

Sometimes we stick things out because they produce so much initial excitement, or because we think “pain is gain”, or because we value looking good over feeling good. But you shouldn’t have to wait until your heel is a hot bloody mess to take these things off, and throw them away. No one is forcing you to wear them but yourself.

The Pair That Used To Be Your Favorite, But Have Been Sitting in the Back of the Closet Forever And Are Full of Holes

These also belong in the garbage, and I know it’s so much harder to say goodbye because they’ve never hurt you, but there is a time and a place to say goodbye to everything. In the wise words of Elsa, “Let it go. Then buy a new pair of shoes.” I think that’s how the song goes.

Your Beat-Up White Converse

Life is dirty. And so are these shoes. But they are comfortable as hell, and perfect for summer. If you stopped to fret over each and every of life’s scuffs, scrapes, or stains, you’d never leave the house. Just take them as they come, and cherish the stories you gain along with them.

Bare Feet

If you have a genetic predisposition for toe-stubbing like I do, going barefoot can be a very risky thing, but some of the best experiences in life require a certain degree of vulnerability. Our toes love the feel of sand, sea, and living room carpet, but at the same time, you have to pick and choose the situations where you want to expose yourself. Despite a deceptively upbeat tempo, “Walking On Broken Glass” is not a song about how fun that activity is.

Socks

We all know you’re that person who is afraid of getting your carpet dirty, but sometimes being responsible is okay too. On the other hand, everyone should own at least one pair of crazy socks that firmly state, “I’m not being a real adult today.” Mine have little Sherlock Holmes’ on them.

Pumps

Friends should be like heels. There to give you a few-inch boost when and if you need it, or accentuate the areas where you already stand taller than most.

Rain Boots

No one ever regretted being prepared.

Rollerblades

You may think it’s sexy to roll around in these babies wearing denim shorts, but be prepared to yell out “I’m okay!” to your weird old neighbor when you wipe out and get road burn on your ass not even half a block away from your apartment. Proceed to the library, which was your “sexy” destination, in complete and utter embarrassment.

I want to tell you the lesson here is “I get knocked down, but I get up again”, but it’s really to just wear protective gear, or at least long pants while roller blading.

Uggs/Moccassins

These shoes are in your life not because of how they look, but because they feel like a big warm hug from a teddy bear. The same rule should apply to people.

Crocs

You either work in food service, to which I extend my warmest appreciation for everything you do, or you still live in 2006 to which I say, “MARISSA DIES IN SEASON 3 OF THE O.C.” I hope this spoiler is the shock you needed to come back and join us in the present day where Donald Trump is no longer the host of The Apprentice, but the President of the United States.

Birkenstocks

“We don’t get to choose what or whom we love…We just don’t get to choose.” – Maggie Nelson. TC mark

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